Heavy heart

Well I've always been one that when it comes to love, I kinda suck since I don't happen to have that much experience, well once again it happened that way again (and the sad thing was that I never got to meet up with her).

 

Yesterday I had asked an old high school friend out through chat on-line, and everything was going great, but then this morning I got a message from her that said that she doesn't happen to like me as either a friend or a boyfriend, so I get screwed and assed out of any possibility of even having a chance when it comes to love at all. Which continues to hold out the problem that I keep constantly having when it comes to the girls that I still have not been able to over come no matter how hard I try at all.

 

Honestly I don't know what in the world the problem happens to be, other then when it comes to my hyperness thanks to my A.D.H.D. (which I don't happen to have much choice over in the matter), I mean that was something that I was born with and can't change no matter how hard I try at all. Plus what doesn't help is that I can't get medical help for it since no hospital or doctor will ever help me out on that (namely since I don't happen to have the medical insurance to cover anything like that at all, and believe me not even the government would ever help me on this, and this is NOT a nod off for the Republicans to take a pot shot, this has been going on for far longer then this current administration has been in office). So either way I'm completely screwed out on everything.

 

So in the mean time I'm left completely screwed over, and mind you I don't blame the girl at all, half the time I don't want to live with myself either, but hey living with myself is far better then death (which yes I have contemplated and tried back when I was in school thanks to all of the teasing that I had been getting, botched that up too). So in the end I've no clue what in the world to do at all.

 

Plus to let you know, the dating sites don't help at all, believe me I've been trying. Both of the following sites claim to be completely free, but they're not, those sites are: Plenty of Fish (http://www.plentyoffish.com/) and OKCupid (http://www.okcupid.com/) both of those sites claim to be free but in the end still require you to upgrade at a cost to be able to get more features. Sorry but when one happens to be both homeless and jobless at the same time, tends to put a crimp in the plans. Essentially no matter the dating site, they're all the same and that's the sad thing, besides even on OKCupid I kept messaging the girls, but they never either replied back or messaged me at all, so when I can figure it out, I'm going to be killing my profile on both of them. I was honest and truthful on both of them, but I can't handle it when I go out of my way to be that way and get nothing back. Basically I'm the "good friend" that can never get the girl. Hell I had the girl once before, but because I couldn't have kids (thanks to a birth defect) she cheated on me constantly and had several kids by several other guys, so I got left by the way side on that one. I am honestly starting to wonder if the vision that I had was just a BIG cosmic joke on me that will never come true at all.

 

Look for anyone reading this, if you'd like to help me out on this, please do so, just realize that I'm not going to be going towards any dating sites at all period, because I know that they will require me to upgrade and to pay for it to get all of the features. So you all can try to hel me out here, but also consdiering that I'm stuck here in Fresno and won't be able to leave any time soon (the whole homeless and jobless thing there), I'm like Star Trek Deep Space Nine at the start of the series, everyone has to come to me. Yeah don't like it much myself, but hey I don't have much a choice in the matter at all.