The one thing that we tend to think about often, but don't let everyone (or anyone) know about, is what would it be like if things had been different, if you got the chance to actually go back in time and change a certain point moment of your life for what you think would be the better. Believe me, I was thinking that yesterday afternoon, what would my life be like if I had gone out with and married someone other than Miramonte who had betrayed me at the first chance.
Thing is, we don't get that chance, yes I might write about it since that's what I do, but I also know that in real life even if it was possible, we wouldn't be able to actually do it because we don't know what the end results will be. Thing is for me, yes that's what I do, but the problem is is that no matter how much I would like to be able to change things, I know that I won't be able to in the least. Now for me there are several girls that I would've loved to be able to ask out (and still would love to though I can't with some of them any more), but thanks to a sheltered life and what I had been getting told by my own mother, even I know that after all this time that it's not going to happen. Yes I had been sheltered, but the one thing that my mother kept telling me was that no girl would ever want to go out with me, and that when it came to the girls I would never amount to anything which didn't help anything. So the end result was that I could never get up the courage (and I still can't) to actually ask a girl out, and for those that are sympathetic towards me, they're always trying to hook me up, and the problem is that no one actually wants to hook up with me at all. So to that end what do I tend to do, well for me, just become like very depressed and just end up constantly thinking about what things would be like if I had gone out with someone different then Miramonte, the ones that I had really wanted to go out with actually happen to be: Bridgette Fredrickson, Amy Hughes, Hillary Handlesman, Abbie Rocconi, Connie Fisher, and one other that I can't mention here. They are the ones that I wonder about when it comes to what things would've been like had I not only dated them but also at a later time possibly married one as well.
Thing is I'll never know that for sure at all considering that I've never had the courage to even ask them in the first place, plus with everything that happened while I had been in school during my high school years, people now hold all that against me (at least the girls do), and now I can't even get to find out what things would've been like for me had they ever been different. Would I like a chance to go out with them now, the answer is yes, will I ever get that chance, I highly doubt it since I can't leave this stupid piece of crap town that I'm currently trapped in. So I have no idea what anyone will ever think about at all, and I don't ever know if they'll ever tell me either.
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