Hi Felix

Felix working 9-5 just wasn't working for me http://g.msn.com.br/BR9/1369.0?http://cnbc7.com/news

Sex Education that’s the wrong education

Now please don't get the title wrong, I strongly believe in sex education to make sure that those that will be having sex later in life know everything that's going to be going on, and are completely safe from what they're doing in the first place. However there is always a right way to teach, and a wrong way (http://www.fresnobee.com/2011/05/12/2386629/parents-criticize-clovis-sex-ed.html), and one of the wrong ways to do that is not only to use out dated information, but also at the same time, to let a member of the church (any church), especially one that was at the top of the echelon, write something up that shouldn't be used at all in the first place.

 

Now mind you I'm very strong person when it comes to the separation of church and state and that includes the schools as well, though people may disagree with me on that and that's their right in the first place. However when we happen to be getting taught information that's not only outdated, but would be compared to a scare tactic, then it's something that should be seriously looked over period. However this person is stating that his information is not only accurate, but up to date as well. Well if that was the case, then how come three other schools have given up using this "Teen Choices" program at all, to me that means that not only does it not work, it shouldn't be used at all.

 

Personally I believe that there should only be two sources for teaching about any kind of sex education, and all in a safe way and environment, both by the schools as well as by the parents. However in today's world (and this also comes from experience from back when I was in school as well), the parents will more often then not lobe off teaching kids sex education to the school, which won't inform them on everything, and that's where the parents need to come in on that. You see the schools will only teach on the stuff that the law allows them to teach on, however there's other things that need to also be covered as well and that's where the parents should be coming in in the first place. After all, if they did that, then we wouldn't be having the problems with teen pregnancy that we've been having for the last couple of years at the current time right now. Too bad that no one will ever listen to me at all.

Heavy heart

Well I've always been one that when it comes to love, I kinda suck since I don't happen to have that much experience, well once again it happened that way again (and the sad thing was that I never got to meet up with her).

 

Yesterday I had asked an old high school friend out through chat on-line, and everything was going great, but then this morning I got a message from her that said that she doesn't happen to like me as either a friend or a boyfriend, so I get screwed and assed out of any possibility of even having a chance when it comes to love at all. Which continues to hold out the problem that I keep constantly having when it comes to the girls that I still have not been able to over come no matter how hard I try at all.

 

Honestly I don't know what in the world the problem happens to be, other then when it comes to my hyperness thanks to my A.D.H.D. (which I don't happen to have much choice over in the matter), I mean that was something that I was born with and can't change no matter how hard I try at all. Plus what doesn't help is that I can't get medical help for it since no hospital or doctor will ever help me out on that (namely since I don't happen to have the medical insurance to cover anything like that at all, and believe me not even the government would ever help me on this, and this is NOT a nod off for the Republicans to take a pot shot, this has been going on for far longer then this current administration has been in office). So either way I'm completely screwed out on everything.

 

So in the mean time I'm left completely screwed over, and mind you I don't blame the girl at all, half the time I don't want to live with myself either, but hey living with myself is far better then death (which yes I have contemplated and tried back when I was in school thanks to all of the teasing that I had been getting, botched that up too). So in the end I've no clue what in the world to do at all.

 

Plus to let you know, the dating sites don't help at all, believe me I've been trying. Both of the following sites claim to be completely free, but they're not, those sites are: Plenty of Fish (http://www.plentyoffish.com/) and OKCupid (http://www.okcupid.com/) both of those sites claim to be free but in the end still require you to upgrade at a cost to be able to get more features. Sorry but when one happens to be both homeless and jobless at the same time, tends to put a crimp in the plans. Essentially no matter the dating site, they're all the same and that's the sad thing, besides even on OKCupid I kept messaging the girls, but they never either replied back or messaged me at all, so when I can figure it out, I'm going to be killing my profile on both of them. I was honest and truthful on both of them, but I can't handle it when I go out of my way to be that way and get nothing back. Basically I'm the "good friend" that can never get the girl. Hell I had the girl once before, but because I couldn't have kids (thanks to a birth defect) she cheated on me constantly and had several kids by several other guys, so I got left by the way side on that one. I am honestly starting to wonder if the vision that I had was just a BIG cosmic joke on me that will never come true at all.

 

Look for anyone reading this, if you'd like to help me out on this, please do so, just realize that I'm not going to be going towards any dating sites at all period, because I know that they will require me to upgrade and to pay for it to get all of the features. So you all can try to hel me out here, but also consdiering that I'm stuck here in Fresno and won't be able to leave any time soon (the whole homeless and jobless thing there), I'm like Star Trek Deep Space Nine at the start of the series, everyone has to come to me. Yeah don't like it much myself, but hey I don't have much a choice in the matter at all.

High Speed Screw Up!

Honestly I believe that this entire state is now trying to screw over the Central Valley, and they're doing this by saying that they want to start the high speed rail either in San Francisco or Los Angles, effectively wiping out the last strands of any chance that we had for pumping in money to the Central Valley at all.

 

The one thing that was seriously needed for Fresno and the entire Central Valley was a major construction job that would allow money to start flowing in and start to lift up different businesses here in our neck of the woods. However that's now been cut off and we've just been completely screwed over by the people in charge of the project. They have no idea how much this has hurt us at all.

 

So no we don't happen to have tall building in abundance around here, or happen to have a large section that's wealthy (which is now that I think about it mostly where they're aiming at), but of course the one thing that these people don't realize is that when it comes to the money that is being spent, the wealthy really could care less since they happen to have their own cars, and they don't like to spend any kind of money at all. So if the rail commission thinks that everyone else in those areas is going to be spending any kind of money at all, they're sadly mistaken. However, then again they're not really thinking about those that will actually be able to use the high speed rail at all, after all why would they care when they still use their own cars. It's like here in Fresno, the city council raises the prices of the FAX bus, but they never use it because they all drive their own cars, so they're really in truth helping themselves when it comes to all of the money here in Fresno (after all a 5% pay cut literally isn't anything at all).

 

Personally I still say that we should go for the recall and put people in there that have actually dealt with everything that we're currently going for, however the Rail Commission isn't something that we can do that to at all, so when it comes to that, everyone here in the Central Valley and Fresno is completely screwed over on that.

The Hypocritical Fresno

I never thought that I would ever come to realize this, but hey my eyes are open to this bloody city that I'm currently living in right now. This is the most hypocritical cities that I've ever known (and I've known a few too).

 

You see the one thing that they don't want anyone to realize is that this city is a do as we say don't call us to account for our own actions. Personally I don't happen to like that in the least, but there's actually nothing that we can do when it comes to that at all. I mean this past week and weekend, I've noticed that you've got people out there that are not only dressing a certain way, but telling others that they need to dress differently from themselves. Even in church groups they're doing this, so you tell me, is it right that they keep telling us one thing, and yet won't do it themselves. Personally I don't happen to go for that at all, but there's nothing that I can say or do since they just claim that it's a sin not to do as they say in the first place.

 

Honestly I'm tired of seeing what I'm seeing, but till someone takes them to task (sort of like what I'm doing now), then nothing is going to happen at all.

Different things going on

Well besides trying to figure out what's going on in my love life at the current time, that and I'm currently working on trying to get my book worked on for the first time now in ages. It's not easy when there's only one thing that tends to be on ones mind constantly, and now that that might be changing for me for good, I figured that it was about time that I started working on my book. Plus I actually need it to be fully finished before I can submit the first three chapters, and the reasons are listed in the submission policy here:

 

"1.) The first three chapters of your book, prepared in standard manuscript format on white paper. (If your chapters are really short or really long, or you don't use chapter breaks, you may send the first 40-60 pages of your book, provided you stay under 10,000 words.) The submitted text must be made up of consecutive pages and should end at the end of a paragraph, not in mid-sentence. Standard manuscript format means margins of at least 1 inch all the way around; indented paragraphs; double-spaced text; and Courier or Times Roman in 10 or 12 pitch. Please use one side of the page only and do not justify the text. Do not bind the manuscript in any way. Make sure the header of the ms. includes either your name or the title of the book and the page number (on every page).

 

2.) A synopsis of the entire book. The synopsis should include all important plot elements, especially the end of the story, as well as aspects of character development for your main characters. The synopsis should run between three and ten pages in standard manuscript format.

 

3.) A dated cover letter that includes your name and contact information and the title of the submitted work. Briefly tell us what genre or subgenre the submission falls into and mention any qualifications you have that pertain to the work. Please list any previous publications in paying markets.

 

4.) A self-addressed, stamped, business-size envelope for our reply letter. Unfortunately, it's no longer possible for us to return submissions due to a change in postal service policy that requires packages weighing more than a pound be mailed at a post office. Since we use a company mailroom rather than a post office, when we try to return submissions, they are sent back to us by the postal service or disappear in transit. We recycle your proposals. (That's not a euphemism for being tossed in a wastebasket--we recycle all white paper.) If you live outside the United States, please go to http://www.usps.com/onlinepostage to see internet postage options. If you do not include an SASE, you will not receive a reply at all."

 

So yeah I've got a lot of work that I've got to get done, plus with the loss of my laptop, I lost an entire chapter that I had done, and had just started working on Chapter 9. So yeah, but with the one thing that I had needed before, I do believe that I've gotten that back now, but the one thing that I still need to get rid of is my ex and with her nothing is offical yet (though as I write this  am currently checking on that to make sure), at least not that I'm aware of. I just tried  talking to her to let her know that everything has to be offical and that she just can't think that the entire thing will go away. Personally I'm wanting out of something that's been hurting me for way too long, but it's her that's being a pain the ass right now. Of course searching for the records is starting to become a royal pain in the ass on it's own.

 

Yeah, ya know, I'll just do a follow up to this posting since this is starting to drive me nuts here.

The Fall out from Sunday

Well considering everything that's happened and taken place, it's going to be understandable that everything is going to be taking a back seat to what's going on over seas when it comes to Bin Laden's death. I mean I heard on the news this morning listening to Alice 96.7 (http://www.myalice967.com) that they did take photos when it comes to the death of Bin Laden, but I also understand they're not wanting to put them out there as well.

 

You see if those photos were made public at all, it would do the one thing that really we don't need, and that's for the terrorist to have a martyr, which is what we would get if the photos were made public at all. So yeah the last thing we need is not only that, but also we don't need someone else getting any ideas to take his place at all, see right now they're disorganized and that's good for us, since it means that they can't get things together at all. And once the photos are made public it means that everything has at long last calmed down so that way they can be able to know that nothing is going to come bad from those photos at all.

 

Personally I happen to love this, since it means that we can at long last start towards a peaceful world that we've been trying to get to for ages, but people keep thinking that only by raining terror can anyone ever really be at peace. Sorry to say, but that's not the way to do it. And Egypt is the perfect example that the terrorist ways are not the answer at all, though they did try to tell them that it was the right answer and they were proven wrong. I'm happy they were proven wrong on the Egyptian note for that one.

BIN LADEN DEAD!!!!!

Well everything is coming in that has made this completely official, and that is that the one that wanted to rule the world not only under a terrorist gun, but believed that the United States was pure evil, is dead.

 

Personally I believe that they should've killed him ages ago, but the country that he was living in wouldn't give him up for the longest time, and there was nothing that we could say or do that would ever change that. However now that has all changed and he's pushing up dead daises (sorry he doesn't deserve live ones), and the world's going to be way better off because of it in the first place.

 

From what I heard, last night Lamoore Navel Air Station was doing an all night celebration, and didn't end till 4 this morning, and for GMA it's been the only thing that they've been putting on the air at all. However considering everything, it was like the '89 quake that rocked the Bay Area, all of the news stations up there were talking about nothing but that for a good solid two weeks. So I don't figured anything different here when it comes to this either.

 

However what this now means is that things over there are going to be changing not only for the better, but for all time. Can't wait to see it all.

The Biggest buzz out there right now

Well it seems that the BIGGEST BUZZ out there right now happens to be the Royal Wedding right now between Prince William (The next King) and Miss Catherine Middleton. Which believe me is something that even I would support when it came to Royalty.

 

Now the catch here is that everyone is thinking that this marriage is one of convenience, well hate to tell you folks this, but it was the marriage of Chuck and Di that was the marriage of convenience. However this one is one of true love, and given my love life, that is the one thing that even I'll go for since I know that true love is real and is out there.

 

So considering that this wedding is going to be the only thing that's going to be covered for the next several days (if not weeks), I figured that I would leave it only for this time and wait for the next big thing (either something major good or major stupidity) to come around. Well have fun checking everything out.

The Royal Wedding

You know I honestly never thought that I would be one for the Royal Wedding at all, but then I keep thinking and remembering how I'm wanting to have my dream wedding, which in a sense and a way is also going to be a "royal wedding". The only thing is, unlike theirs, mine is a themed wedding, namely since I don't happen to have a drop of royal blood in me, and quite honestly I'm not really the type that will ever be able to get a catch like Kate.

 

No I've already stated on my blog (though which one I will leave for those that actually read these) what I'm wanting my wedding to be like, and believe me the bill is going to be huge in the end, but completely worth it. My only thing is, at the rate that things are going for me, namely with how old I happen to be (that being now 33, and understand that I think in the long terms and not the short terms), I honestly feel that time is slipping by me. Now I know that that's a fatalistic way of thinking, but if you think of how my life has been well you've got your answer right there. Personally at this rate I would love to have my dream wedding take place (even if it was faked), but at the rate that things are going for me, yeah I highly doubt that's ever going to happen in the least.

 

Anyway, enough about my sorry life, I'm actually really happy for the couple, the only problem that I've got isn't with the happy couple, it's going to be after that with the camera jocks. Honestly after what happened with Princess Di, I personally would really not want to see that again, but knowing their blood sucker employers it may end up happening yet again, only this time with the young prince with her. Let's pray that doesn't happen.

The birther stupidity

You know for the first time, even I'm with Obama on this one, and it's only proving how much of a joke that Trump happens to be in the first place. I mean come on, does everyone forget the one simple rule that even if a person happens to be born over seas, as long as they happen to be on a military base or embassy (both of which are considered U.S. soil) then they're an American citizen by birth. Which means that Obama who had been born in (last I knew) Hawaii, is in fact a U.S. citizen. Like I said though, I just consider Trump to be one big joke and that's it, nothing more nothing less. Honestly if he is so determined to run for President, that only means that the Republicans (even if someone else happens to run for them) don't stand a chance at all, and that's the truth.

 

Look even I know that you folks out there reading this know and understand that there are far bigger things out there that really need to be dealt with, and what I know that a lot of you can't stand is that for the first time ever, there is a huge change that is actually taking place. I mean yes we're currently blaming Obama for causing all of the ailes that we're currently going through right now, but he didn't start any of them, he only in herited them from a President that was trying to save his legacy and blew it big time. So each and every single time that he's tried to make a fix and get things done, it's been the Republicans that have gone out of their way to try and stone wall him like crazy. I mean come on when are the people going to wake up here, even the TEA Party is screwing things up, and I know that the Democrats are no prize winners either, but still at least someone is trying to get things done. Problem is, I'm starting to think that even though we want things to be fixed, that in truth and reality, we really don't want anything fixed. Honestly I dare someone to try and prove me any different, I know the truth, and I know that no one will ever like that truth at all, but hey I'm not here to coddle to anyone.

 

Look I know that you might all think that things are really bad right now, but trust me on this, things will actually get a lot worse before anything ever gets any better at all. Thing that you all reading this have to realize and ask, is the person you're voting into office really going to take care of anything, or are they just in there for the power and nothing else. After all, we've had people get elected into office just on them giving a big talk in the first place, and the next thing you know they're not doing anything. So when it comes to Obama, we put him into office, and he's been trying and working his damnest, but as long as he's constantly stonewalled by people that don't want real change to happen, nothing is going to be done and that's a fact. Just think about all that the next time that you want to vote for someone, they may talk all this major thing, but will they really be getting things done, or are they just blowing smoke and nothing else.

The cigarette problem facing and the solution that won't work

You see it all over the place, teens everywhere are lighting up, and it's something that happens to be a major growing problem, and it seems like everything that's being done are all for not since they're getting them and they're constantly lighting up either way. The problem is that when it comes to getting them to stop, anything and everything that we do is going to have the complete opposite effect and they're just going to defy what ever is said.

 

Now currently the ones that are in charge are thinking that the solution is to hit the stores, and stop them from selling them in the first place, yeah too bad there happens to be a problem with that, and it's that the stores are not the problems at all. The problem is out side of the stores with the regular people (those like you and me for example, even though I don't smoke at all), giving out their cigarettes with out knowing that they're giving them to an underage kid. Also the problem is these days is that when it comes to ages, you can't tell by looking at them just how old they are (i.e. a kid (male or female) could be looking 18 and yet be 13, and no one would ever be the wiser), plus a lot of people that are smoking already are thinking that when it comes to others that smoke, it's of the mentality that hey it's their lungs why should I give a crap. Well considering all of the budget problems that we're having these days, and that they seem to be taxing everything in the world, it's no wonder that they can't come up with a solution for the problem any more, so they figure that they would just constantly keep hitting the stores, and the thing is, the stores are aware of the problem but are helpless to do anything about it in the first place.

 

No the only way that we're ever going to save the youth of the world from smoking, is if we can get people to stop "bumming" out cig's in the first place, and that's not going to happen at all. Personally I honestly wish that cigarette's would be gradually stop being made so that way not only could we save not only kids from smoking, but also adults as well. I know that it happens to be a multi-billion dollar industry, but it's time to end things when it comes to an ever growing problem that doesn't look like it's going to be quiting any time soon.

The world has just about gone nuts while I was away working

Well for those of you that happened to live in or around Fresno, and had gone by Blackstone and shields some time during the last month would've seen me out on the street corner island out there dressed up as lady liberty dancing my happy little heart off, not only entertaining the people, but also at the same time letting people know on a daily basis that time was running out to get our taxes filed. Which means that by being out there from 7 to 11 in the morning, that I wasn't going to be able to write up anything dealing with the stupidity that was (and still is going on) out in the world around us. Which means that I've got no links when it comes to any of the stories that are currently going on around there.

 

I do know that Brown is still as ever being an idiot and that no much has changed when it came to that, and that people are still crowing over Obama and his birth certificate, though I did see a letter in yesterday's Fresno Bee that I thought was really funny and actually put the birthers and everyone else that's trying to bring him down, in their place. It was saying that he had to be an alien from a different planet since there's nothing normal about what hes been doing when it came to everything. Like I said, I thought that it was funny.

 

Anyway, there's a lot of things that are currently going on, and now that I'm fully back and able to keep up, I will be letting you all know what's going on and what's up, and giving you my personal and rousing opinion on everything. Till then...

I'm back

Well after being gone working for a while, I believe that it's time that I posted something for you all to read, off course the fact that the news is seriously giving me some fodder to work with helps out as well. I mean come on with everything that's been going on out there, you knew that it was only going to be a matter of time before things started getting screwed up to the point that people would start pointing out the similarities between Obama, and the evil one named Bush.

 

However the problems didn't start there, they started with people thinking that when it comes to getting things to work, that it would all be a flow though deal and everything would just go their way. Problem is, it doesn't work like that at all. No the only reason why Obama is currently getting hit by everything and saying that he's morphing into Bush is because he's getting backed into that corner where he knows that he's not going to be able to do anything at all. So what do people do in the mean time, they tend to start thinking that he's turning into Bush. Hell the one thing that he wanted to do in the first place, was get rid of the Bush era tax cuts and mostly for the wealthy, he wanted (and still does) them to pay their fair share of money that they owe. The problem is, the Republicans backed him into so tight of a corner that he can't breath and had to bow down to their demands. I mean honestly if one was to think about it, if the rich actually had to pay their side of how much they owe (and believe me it's alot there too), then more then likely we wouldn't be seeing the problems that we currently are right now with the economy in the first place.

 

However since I stink at math to begin with, all I see is a HUGE area that should be used for the people to begin with and not left out, but like everything else, I already know that it won't be getting used at all. Personally I hate that, but for right now there's really nothing that I can actually do about it in the first place.

 

Anyway, I figured that for today that's enough of my trying to bitch about things, but I'll be coming back with more. Plus I'm also going to be writing about things that I've been thinking about that really need to be talked about in the first place. I just need to get my questions answered first, and believe me it's a dozie that I'm going to be writing about. See ya then.

Working this past week

Well I know that I haven't been able to post anything within the past week, and the reason for that is because I've been working at my job at Liberty Tax at Manchester Center here in Fresno, and my hours have been in the morning time. Plus with dancing like crazy during those hours it does tend to leave one drained. However I will be making a mondo post coming up soon, but I figured I would let my readers know what was going on. Well till then.

Just something that I had been thinking of yesterday

The one thing that we tend to think about often, but don't let everyone (or anyone) know about, is what would it be like if things had been different, if you got the chance to actually go back in time and change a certain point moment of your life for what you think would be the better. Believe me, I was thinking that yesterday afternoon, what would my life be like if I had gone out with and married someone other than Miramonte who had betrayed me at the first chance.

 

Thing is, we don't get that chance, yes I might write about it since that's what I do, but I also know that in real life even if it was possible, we wouldn't be able to actually do it because we don't know what the end results will be. Thing is for me, yes that's what I do, but the problem is is that no matter how much I would like to be able to change things, I know that I won't be able to in the least. Now for me there are several girls that I would've loved to be able to ask out (and still would love to though I can't with some of them any more), but thanks to a sheltered life and what I had been getting told by my own mother, even I know that after all this time that it's not going to happen. Yes I had been sheltered, but the one thing that my mother kept telling me was that no girl would ever want to go out with me, and that when it came to the girls I would never amount to anything which didn't help anything. So the end result was that I could never get up the courage (and I still can't) to actually ask a girl out, and for those that are sympathetic towards me, they're always trying to hook me up, and the problem is that no one actually wants to hook up with me at all. So to that end what do I tend to do, well for me, just become like very depressed and just end up constantly thinking about what things would be like if I had gone out with someone different then Miramonte, the ones that I had really wanted to go out with actually happen to be: Bridgette Fredrickson, Amy Hughes, Hillary Handlesman, Abbie Rocconi, Connie Fisher, and one other that I can't mention here. They are the ones that I wonder about when it comes to what things would've been like had I not only dated them but also at a later time possibly married one as well.

 

Thing is I'll never know that for sure at all considering that I've never had the courage to even ask them in the first place, plus with everything that happened while I had been in school during my high school years, people now hold all that against me (at least the girls do), and now I can't even get to find out what things would've been like for me had they ever been different. Would I like a chance to go out with them now, the answer is yes, will I ever get that chance, I highly doubt it since I can't leave this stupid piece of crap town that I'm currently trapped in. So I have no idea what anyone will ever think about at all, and I don't ever know if they'll ever tell me either.

TEA Party is being a bunch of idiots

You know, I've said before that what the TEA Party is trying to do isn't right, and I entirely stand by that, but by going with no compromises and then saying that they want cuts only with no way in the world to ever get that money back in there in the first place. I'm sorry but one just can't do that.

 

Now that they finally got what they wanted, which was the power to do what they wanted, now they're being idiots on a whole new scale (http://www.fresnobee.com/2011/03/31/2331076/tea-party-rallies-to-keep-gop.html). The one thing that they have to realize when it comes to all of this is that there is no "cut it, or shut it" to be done, I'm sorry to say but you just can't shut down certain things in the government if there is no money. Honestly I'm really starting to wonder whose really running things when it comes to that party, the problem is, is that they're ruining the GOP's rep when it comes to politics, and there doesn't seem to be another way around it at all. I know that everyone hates taxes, but as I've said before, in order to get anything done, one needs taxes to get those things done, it's like we're going to have billionaires just donating the money to get things fixed, repaired or kept open, they wouldn't do that if the world was falling apart. I've said this before and I'll say it again, the TEA Party is a joke that needs to be not only reigned in, but either told how things really are, or just ended period.

Just a few thoughts from today

Well today, I had gone up to a park that means a great deal to me,
considering all of the quite that happens to be there. Well as I sat
by a stream listening to the water flow by me, and reading, I kept
thinking that maybe a girl would actually walk up to me and just say
hi (yeah I know wishful thinking on my part), but I realized after a
little bit that when it comes to meeting someone, that wasn't the
place to do it. So after I moved out from there (after seeing several
people come around that were taking photos, and making me wish that I
had my own camera), I started to walk to a couple of different benches
to try to just sit down and continue reading, however shortly after I
started that I started to burn up from the sun that I had been sitting
in, so I then moved to a shaded bench and kept reading from there.

During the time that I had been reading, I saw several people when it
came to who was going to the part and what they were doing, and I
realized something, and that was that for me I wouldn't be meeting
someone there (though I did wonder if I should go meet up with a dog
walker, but then I figured that it wouldn't be right either way),
however I would be eventually bringing someone there in the first
place. Now I also realized as I was leaving there that when it came to
that special someone that I would like to meet eventually, that
despite what I had figured out and what I had been told, that the one
that I would eventually meet would actually come either way. I know
that I shouldn't look for her, but the thing of the matter is, I can't
stop looking, it's in my nature to constantly look and to be
constantly curious on everything till I learn about what it happens to
be (meaning anything) and then move onto the next thing. I know that's
hard to believe, but in a way it's also very true as well. So I'm
guessing that between now and the time that the vision comes true,
that I'll be meeting that special girl in my life, though in all
honesty with how fast my mind happens to work, I really do wish that
it would be sooner rather then later.

By the way, if I can't have my party at the place that I'm hoping to
go for, then I will still have it but just at a different location
instead. However everyone is still invited to come when it comes to
the party, though I still am predicting that there won't be that many
people that do come if any at all. Well as a friend of mine says, "Oh
well."

Late last minute special edition: Brown at it again!!!

Now I know that everyone could see this one coming from a mile away, I know that I did (http://www.fresnobee.com/2011/03/29/2329207/jerry-brown-declares-budget-talks.html), and now that he can't get through to people up in the capital, he's going to try to by pass them and see if he can hit us with his stupidity. Personally I'm tired of everything that he's been trying to do. I know that if what he's trying to get passed is passed (even if it's by the voters), then this state is going to be worse off then ever before. Personally I say that if he brings it before the people in an election, we shut him down cold. I'm tired of everything that he think he's doing for us, he says that he's listening to us, and yet not one person elected into that office has ever been listening to the people after they got voted into office. Recall him out of there, and put someone else in there that we know will keep listening to us even after they're in office. I'm still willing, but like I had said before, it would have to be off of donations, since I don't have the money to get it done myself.

 

By the way, next week I will not be giving the blog as early as I thought since I have to work early all next week. Just figured that I would let everyone know that.

Brown being an idiot again, a kid biking away from a gun, and possibly the next Justin Bieber

Well if it's not the state taxes that he's screwing around with, it's going to be the state's water situation, and this time he's going to be jumping the gun if he's got anything to do with it (http://www.fresnobee.com/2011/03/29/2328317/governor-expected-to-declare-end.html). It's bad enough that the Valley is always getting hurt when it comes to water right now (hell for the last several years), and I know that it's not expected to lighten up anytime soon. I mean just two years ago, we had a Federal judge come into the whole thing to take sides on what's going to be happening when it comes to the water here for the Central Valley, after all the number one thing that the Valley needs for jobs (on all levels) is the water, and it's the one thing that we're not getting at all. So to declare that the drought is over, I'm sorry but the Central Valley would seriously disagree with you on that one Brown, but then again, I still say he should be recalled out of office, however I'm not likely to see that happen any time soon at all either.

 

Now this story here that I heard about first on Alice 96.7 (http://www.myalice967.com/) about a kid that biked away from a man with a gun (http://www.fresnobee.com/2011/03/29/2328460/young-bicyclist-escapes-robbers.html), I know that it was a short story considering that they're still looking for the guy, but I have to say that the kid's got more guts then even I would I have to admit. After all, a guy points a gun at me, and believe me, not only will I be handing him the bike over, I'll be handing over anything else that he wants. After all the old saying goes "Never bring a knife to a gun fight", or in this case a bike. However he did it and I'm damned proud of him for doing something that I could never do at all.

 

This last one I'm hoping right now will go far with this kid (http://www.fresnobee.com/2011/03/29/2328519/is-ryan-beatty-the-valleys-justin.html), after all, you don't often hear about anyone from te Valley that happens to make it big any more. It's like once they get out of here, you never hear them actually talk about where they came from any more, some you do, but others just want to forget about this place, and it's completely understandable considering all of the hell that this place puts itself through day after day, and year after year. So yeah I really hope that this kid goes far.

 

I know that these aren't much, but honestly there's not that much going on in the first place, and it's not exactly like I can check something out before I get to where I post these things. Everything that I check out is done the day before, and then I write about it the next day, so like I keep saying if you happen to have something that you want me to write about, let me know.

Something I realized yesterday

Now I'm not prone to these things, at least not the way that I used to, but this one hit me hard. I had been walking to meet a friend of mine, when I started to picture something in my head, something that I realized would end up happening later on next year. What was happening was something that I'm not going to like having to wait for, but I also know that I have no other choice in the matter either, since I've learned that when it comes to something that's going to be happening, and you want to change it for what you think is the better, more often then not, it turns out that you were wrong in the first place.

 

What I had seen, was me sitting in the Student Lounge at Fresno City College next year working on my laptop when a girl comes up to me and asked what I'm working on, however the only problem that I'm going to partly have is that I'll be listening to the music on my laptop at the time while working on my book (though I really don't know if I'll be published at that time or not). Once she does at last get my attention, that's when things start to get cooking between us, at least slowly. What I realized that I was seeing was my future girlfriend, the one that I will end up getting by stopping looking in the first place. I can pine all I want, but it's not time for me to be with someone else yet, and as much as I want to try to make it other wise, I've got no choice in the matter here at all.

 

Time and again, I've seen these things happen, and when I've tried to change them, it never works out because the person that's being effected doesn't care till it happens, and they wonder how I knew in the first place. Well this one is happening to me, and as much as I would like it to be other wise, I know that there will be no other choice. I won't be meeting my new love of my life till after I start going back to Fresno City College in the fall next year. Just wish that it was other wise.

 

However when I do meet her, I know that if by that point I have gotten published, she will still be put through the test that I'm going to have her do. I already know that she'll stick with it either way, but I've got to go through the motions to make sure that she does anyway.

Rain almost out of here, and other news

Well I can say one thing for myself, I'm fully tired of the rain being here, and can't wait for it to be gone for good. Of course the problem is, I'm not in control of the weather at all, no that's up to the big guy up stairs. But it's still a pain in the butt either way.

 

The one main problem that Fresno happens to have with the rain, and we go through this every year, is that the drains for the rain, are clogged and they never get unclogged at all. No matter how many times people complain, the city here just doesn't do anything about it, always claiming that it's not in the budget at all. Well hell if they didn't redirect the budget towards their own pockets, they would have the money to actually get things done in Fresno, instead of worrying if they have the money or not when it comes to everything. Too bad even when we tell them how to be able to deal with the problem, they still don't listen in the least.

 

Now there is something that I've commented about yesterday, dealing with Abercrombie & Fitch and a product that they're now currently selling, and still continue to sell despite that parents are refusing to buy this for their kids. So no matter what they happen to call it (since they have changed the name from "Stripped push up triangle" to "Stripped triangle"), it's not only wrong, it's completely out of call as well. This is the current story on Good Morning America's web site: http://abcnews.go.com/US/abercrombie-fitch-padded-bikini-top-year-olds-parents/story?id=13236904 and personally I'm one for working on trying to get this off the market completely. It was tried once before over in Britain, but the guy pulled it from the shelf after everyone cried foul on him. However as it says in the story, this company is basically saying "Not only are we not going to pull it, you can kiss our @$$, because we'll do as we please", That's almost how it was back when the guy that ran K-Mart had said that "We're bigger the Jesus". That right there had gotten his stocks to plunge so, that Sears bought it out. Honestly I do believe that the same thing might happen if they don't change what they're doing, plus it's not a matter of if you don't buy it they won't make it. Problem is, even if you don't buy it, they will still make it because you're buying their other products, so they figure that you'll eventually buy that product as well. Personally I see that this is completely wrong, but since they happen to be bigger then me, there's no way that I can personally do anything, and I know that no one will put them into a law suit over this either.

 

Now there is something that even I find personally happy about, and it's again one that I've covered before, and it's dealing with the Nintendo 3DS. However it was covered better then I could review it (since they had the device in their hands: http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/video/nintendo-releases-3ds-handheld-device-13231925) on the weekend edition of GMA. Like I had said before, this is something that if done right, could take the market away from Sony and the PSP BIG TIME.

 

Now as I was trying to load up the page for the 3DS, I ran into a breaking news banner dealing with the Japanese Radiation that's going on over there, and from what I had seen on there, and heard from the report, the rods from some of the damaged reactors are starting to melt, and we all know that's bad news right there. However as I watched the report I noticed that this is something that we've already been seeing and it's actually nothing new on that note, but it tells us that the Japanese are trying to keep this contained and they're not going a good job of it at all.

 

Personally I know that I'm starting to sound like a reporter there, but it's hard not to, when all you want to do is just say what you really think, and I'm thinking that the superiority of the Japanese mind set over there is going down big time since all of this happened. They really just don't know what in the world they're doing and it's being proven in spades. Yes we're trying to help them out, but honestly I'm feeling a why bother mentality when it comes to all of this, however it's then another part of my mind that ends up coming back up and saying that it really wouldn't be right if we didn't help them out. Too bad that we actually can't help them out in the area that I know that they really need the help in to begin with, and that's what I find completely messed up.

The bikini top for girls (the one on the news as of late)

Personally I didn't think that I would actually be saying anything on this, but then I realized that I had to say something, after all parents are complaining when it comes to what's been in the news as of late. The problem is that when it comes to something that comes out new and is going with the trends, it has to go with what the parents are wanting and not what the kids are wanting. Problems is, that never tends to mesh together as one.

 

Now the thing with this bikini top that's been in the news, is to me a double standard of parents, when it comes to the girls to the boys. The parents always want their daughters to remain young and not to grow up too fast, and yet when it comes to the sons, no they have to grow up fast, they're never allowed to have a childhood at all. Personally I call that a double standard, one that seriously needs to be addressed when it comes to our kids, and it's one that's been needing to get addressed for years. Boys are never allowed to cry, to men it's considered a sign of weakness (which is just bull to begin with), but girls are supposed to stay forever young, and then when they rebel, they're considered everything vile, from sluts to whores to you name it and that's wrong. Honestly if we don't let them be themselves it's going to be worse years down the line when the time comes. I hate to say this, but from what I've been seeing as I've been watching people around me, girls that are younger are appearing older and older, and yet, they're actually around 12 and 13 years old, and it's only getting worse. I mean the one thing that the article on GMA had shown (http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/video/push-bikini-young-girls-abercrombie-fitch-markets-little-business-13231892), was kids (young girls) putting on make up, and trying to make themselves look better then the way that they were, and the thing is, we planted this all in their heads and we're currently trying to fight it like crazy, and guess what IT'S NOT WORKING!!!!

 

Now I know that normally I don't deal with a news subject on the weekend, but this here just had me seething inside because of the two-facedness that parents have for their kids when it comes to this, and no matter what we do, we're conflicting with ourselves when it comes to supporting our kids. I'm sorry to say, but we can't have it both way, it's either one way or the other, Either way, all of this will come to a head, and it's going to be bad for everyone, I know it, but I also know that who ever reads this, won't believe what I'm saying until it actually happens.

The one thing that my next love needs to realize

Now I don't know exactly who happens to read this, but I do know that aside from my friends that read this, there is one thing that even my future girlfriend should realize is that when it comes to how I tend to do things, I tend to use my imagination a lot. Of course by the time that I happen to get to the boyfriend girlfriend stage, she would already realize that to begin with. However there are going to be things, that no I won't mention them here, but they are unusual to say the least. The one thing that I had been thinking was what the reaction might be when she finds out what they happen to be, but since they don't happen to be of the norm, I have a feeling that she would be thinking like, "oh that's what you're into, that's nice, but odd at the same time." However I could be completely wrong too.

 

Now since it's been a few years (a decade this July), since I had last been with a woman, all I've ever been able to do is just think about how things were going to be like for me. Yes I do see the cute ladies around me, however the man problem that I happen to have, is that either they're wearing a ring on their finger, or if they're not, then I'm wondering if they're possibly taken as well, and it's that kind of thinking that happens to drive me completely nuts out of my mind half the bloody time. Plus with my being that extremely shy, I know that unless she came up to me and told me that she was interested in me, I would've have the courage to even go up to her and ask at all. Plus when I have gotten the courage (as I did one time back in '08) up to even ask, either they're not interested, or some other guy beat me to the punch in the first place. So either way I feel like I'm completely out of options.

 

The one thing that does tend to hurt though, is the fact that yes I am homeless, and very often, the girls tend to look down on that. So far I've not found one girl that doesn't mind being with a guy that happens to be homeless, after all they tend to think that if the guy is homeless, more often then not they're looking for the girls money and don't really care about them. Personally I'm not like that in the least, but I can't seem to get by that little pre-conceived notion at all. Plus when it comes to the ladies that happen to be already homeless, I've got a very strick rule when it comes to that, if they're in one of the following, I will not date them: 1) doing drugs, 2) smoking like crazy, 3) on medication for mental issues, or 4) happen to be far older then me. So that leaves just about all of them out.

 

Honestly I'm not interested in any of the money that the girl happens to make at all, and personally I would rather be making my own instead of relying on someone else instead, that's just how I happen to be. Problem is, you can't exactly put that up on a personals ads on-line, so in the end I end up screwed either way which doesn't happen to help in the least. Look people I really don't know what to do, and I'm honestly extremely tired of being alone. Miramonte just about abandoned me after I brought her to live with me in Norfolk, plus while I was in the Navy, she cheated on me with a guy that was also in the Navy and living a few doors down from us. So I got really screwed when she cheated on me for the first time, and then just kept cheating on me. That's the one thing that I really don't want to have to deal with again is any girl cheating on me again, once was enough, and I really couldn't put up with it again.

 

However I refuse to be like my mother when it comes to never having another relationship because a few got me burned, sorry but I have to have someone in my life, and that's just the way things are for me to begin with, that will never change at all. However I don't want her prediction to come true either, and that being that no girl will ever like me or want to be with me, and that I'll end up being married by the time that I'm 35 or older. If there is any girl that's out there that's reading this, could you please help me end this curse that I've gotten on myself. After all, it would help me for once if things actually started going my way for once, since for years, nothing has ever gone my way. I help everyone out, for which they notice me with out any problems, but the moment that I finish, that's when they stop noticing me, and that's when it starts to hurt the most. For example (and this doesn't help being homeless either), there was a group of people that came down to the mission to give slices of pizza away so that people could have something good to eat, and help their dogs out as well, and by the time that I got to the table, everything was gone, I had seen the last slice go to someone just as I was walking up. I figured that there might be something else, but there wasn't and that's what hurt the most. Like I said, nothing ever goes my way. There are other points, but it's way too long to list everything.

 

Plus the birthday is also something that I would love to once to go my way as well, the only problem is that for everyone that I've got listed on my friends list for Facebook, so far there's like only one possible coming, and beyond that 17 not attending, and awaiting replies from 73 people, and the only guest that I know attending is me. This is one day that happens to be very important to me, and there's one person that I would love to have be there the most, but I can't ever get her to respond to me or acknowledge that I exsist at all. Honestly I hate my life. :(

The reason for my constantly writing about my wanting a love life

I know that you the reader, doesn't happen to like too much, when I go in about my lack of a love life that I happen to have. Believe me, even the people that I hand around during the day don't happen to like it either when I happen to be preening over a girl that happens to be cute, but I know is also taken. I remember telling a friend of mine that is constantly getting things with out ever asking for them, that he could fall into a pile of crap and come out smelling like roses (though I really don't know what roses smell like since literally all flowers smell the same to me), and if I happen to fall into crap, I come out smelling like the ninth level of hell or worse. For me it happens to hurt the most since I can't ever either have anything ever go my way (since I happen to have the worst luck on the damned planet), or I just get completely ignored. I mean it's honestly worse then when I had been teased back in school.

 

One of the main reasons that I had put up that challenge (that no one seems to have been responding to at all), so that you can see how my life happens to be here in this damned town and what things are like here. I mostly do a lot of bus riding and watching other people, and mostly become jealous over what they happen to have that I can't ever seem to get in my life, and it's one of the things that I most hate in my life right now. Honestly half the time I'm so depressed that those that I'm around change the subject quickly (at least those that know me, others keep on going to the point that I end up telling them rather forcefully to "shut the hell up OK, I'm really not in the mood to keep listening to that shit constantly". Then it's at that point that he gets told what's going on, of course they seem to have a two second memory because then they're right back at it.

 

So yes most of the depression is because I don't happen to have someone in my life right now that would be a complete bright spot there. Thing is, even though it's gotten to that point (and there's a revelation coming up here), I would never take my own life. A lack of a love life is no reason to end it at all. However at one point in my past during high school (or was it Jr. High, I can never remember which time it was any more), I actually did try to end it all. Too bad the day that I picked was the wrong day (and one could make the argument that I really hadn't wanted to end things after all). It had gotten that bad for me, not only was it dealing with wanting to ask Corinne out, but at the same time there were other girls that I had been wanting to ask out as well that I just couldn't get up the nerve to ask in the first place. However I only know a couple of the names here that I wanted to ask out in the first place, they are: Abbie  Rocconi, Hillary Handlesman, Connie Fisher, and a couple of others whose names take off on me right now. Either way, I knew that I could always ask others out and not have to entirely be trying to ask one person out all the time. However the one thing that I had the most was the constant fear of rejection (namely since my mother was constantly telling me that no girl would ever want to go with me and that the only girl that would ever want to was one that was desperate, and she didn't want me to start having sex till I was 35 (looks like in a way both of those may come true at the rate that things are going here, if at all). So in the end I'm completely depressed over the lack of a love life because I not only fear getting rejected, as I did at one point near my birthday back in '08 when a girl that I liked I asked out, and she gave me the dreaded friends only card.

 

So when I happen to be asking for help when it comes to me finding someone, I have a reason, I not only don't want to be alone any more, I would like to end my depression that I happen to have all the damned time. So if you happen to know someone (either from our class or out side of our class, but around my age) please help me try to make first contact here ok. At least now you know why I'm always going off about my lack of a love life. I'm both tried of being alone, and I'm wanting to have both a family and a wife that I know won't cheat on me and will stay by me no matter what.

Fresno getting pounded hard, and not just from the rain either (which is still coming)

I honestly can't believe everything that's going on with this state, and the politicians are just about going nuts when it comes to cutting and borrowing big time, and I honestly I'm starting to wonder what in the world is up with these people.

 

Now everything right now is going right to heck thanks to what Brown has signed in, and it's not going to be easy in the least, and that's talking mildly to start with. (http://www.fresnobee.com/2011/03/24/2323722/fresno-county-feels-cuts-as-brown.html). With the 20 Million that's being taken away from Fresno, kids and teens are going to be the hardest hit right off, and it's not going to be stopping there either. Honestly I continue to wonder why in the world we elected this idiot into power in the first place? I know that a lot of people were feeling that it was better to have Brown then Schwarzenegger, but did no one even bother to consider Meg Whitman at all, I mean despite all of the campaigning that she had done, I ask people who they would've considered for the Governor's office, and with out mentioning any names at all, they keep saying that Brown would've been better option then having Schwarzenegger in there, and not once does Meg ever get mentioned at all. Hell I even say "Well what about Meg Whitman?" I actually had one person actually look at me and ask who was that. Honestly I wonder if we actually had a recall today and Whitman ran for office again, who anyone even know who in the world she happens to be. Last I had known, she was the one person that actually fueled her own campaign with her own money, leaving allot of others behind when it came to how much she put in herself. Heck she was actually questioned when it came to where her money was coming from at one point, and what did she do, she provided bank statements that told everyone that she was spending her own money to get into the Governor's mansion (which honestly should've gone to her in the first place, but it seems that this state can't learn from it's own past).

 

Now the situation when it comes to the different programs that are getting hurt here: First 5 Commission, Community colleges, and Welfare, are getting hit the hardest, and everything that deals with them. Now the First 5 deal with the first 5 years of a child's life and that is losing $1 Billion from it that Brown is taking and putting else where, which is to say that those getting helped out from that program are going to be losing out big time, which in the end won't help anyone at all. However the one thing that I like is that this one may end up in court, and I'm honestly hoping that the courts put a hold on this and tell him that he can't do this. Heck it reminds me of what Bush tried to do during his reign in office, when something had come up that was dealing with kids getting health benefits were the primary thing, Bush had vetoed it like crazy, but thankfully those that were in Congress at the time saw the wisdom in overriding his veto and put the whole thing into place (that's because they knew what would happen if they didn't over ride his veto, they would've been out of a job in a heartbeat). The next one is dealing with the Community College, which for me is hitting close to home since I had been in school the first time that this had happened with the tuition getting raised, the only thing is, no one expected within only a couple of years for the tuition to be raised as much as it had. I had been apart of a major state gathering at the capital back in (I believe) '03 when we had a march on the Capital for what then Grey Davis was doing (who had since been recalled out of office after he got reelected back in when he should've lost in the first place). Then the next thing we know over the short amount of years, the tuition kept going up and up. There's been no end to it in the last couple of years, I mean the problem currently right now is that those that are going to Fresno City College are having a hard time getting that education that they need in order to be able to get the jobs that require the degree that they need to get in order to have that job. Plus with Fresno State dropping a lot of their classes and the Jr. College level picking them up, people here are having to go between the school in order to be able to get to different classes. It's getting that bad. Then there's the welfare side of the whole coin, the side that I'm currently on since I happen to have Food Stamps right now.

 

Now the Welfare part is not only a personal thing, but thanks to shows like "16 and Pregnant" teens these days are wanting to get pregnant since these shows are glamorizing everything that shouldn't be glamorized in the first place. My ex had to drop out of school in order to have a baby that she had gotten pregnant with (and that was during one of our off times, I can't have kids so she kept cheating on me in order to keep having kids). Yes there are other programs out there that help out when it comes to pregnant teens, but the first thing that they keep hearing from everyone is welfare instead of these programs that help out. Now personally I begin to wondering what it's fully going to be like when they don't have these programs to rely on, but the fact is, is that with everything that's going on thanks to how the job market is, and how the businesses aren't paying their employees their due pay, things are going to be getting worse then anything anyone has ever known before.

 

Now this next one (http://www.fresnobee.com/2011/03/24/2323712/fresno-faces-more-cutbacks-and.html) is something that the city council is doing and the problem is, they're constantly suggesting the one thing that Target wants it's guests to do, and that's donate 5% extra for something that Target happens to have set up. I don't know who got this 5% stuff into their heads, but this is just not going to cut anything since the 5% won't do much of anything at all. However the one side that's getting hit in the least is the one that should be feeling the pinch the most after all of the bad things that they've been doing for the past couple of years, and that's the police department. I know that's wrong since we do need them, but the problem is, is that they're starting to have like a god complex that makes them think that nothing can hurt them, not even law suits. Personally I think that this is wrong and they should be effected by what's going on here, after all everyone else is being effected in ways that are making the unions sit up and take notice for once. However the only one that's actually sitting pretty here is the police and they shouldn't be at all.

 

Look I know that these things are going to effect all of us and there's no way in the world that we shouldn't take notice in the least, but the problem is right now that those in office are not thinking right, and I know that Brown has never thought right, one should actually look back at what's happened in the past when it comes to him and honestly start thinking of recalling him out of office. Though I'm starting to think that there should be a clause in the state constitution about serving twice after you've already served once before for the full term and then term out. Heck I believe that termed out means that they can't run again, and yet Brown not only ran again, but at the same time he won and he never should've in the first place, that right there was wrong.

 

Now I know that I've often getting into government here, but those are the major headlines that I'm reading here, and I don't exactly have the money to go see a movie right now to review it on here and I've asked before for people to send me links for articles that they would like to post my opinion on, which is what a blog happens to be in the first place is ones opinion on what's going on out there. Believe me I would love to talk about something other then government, but I don't have that option currently. So please help out if you don't always want to read about the government and their stupidity constantly. Just a thought.

Addium to last entry

By the way, I only covered what I remembered from school, because all of the other chances that I had in my life were so short, that I didn't think that they were worth mentioning at all. However if you would like to know about them, then please let me know and I will post them up as well.

 

Thanks

My past missed shots at love, and free online dating sites aren't really free

Well I'm actually writing this because of two things, 1) to prove about my partial photographic memory, and 2) because of a site that a friend told me to go to that I had already checked out. Now this post my get a little long in the tooth, but that's only because of the details that I can recall when it comes to my memory, and believe me it does get detailed. The only thing that I can never remember is what everyone said during those times, only everything that I had seen and smelled and where it took place during those times.

 

Now the majority of the missed shots at love actually deal with Amy Hughes, course at the time I really wasn't looking for anyone else after she had caught my eye back in the fourth grade on Halloween, she walked into the class room dressed as either a princess or a bride, I never could tell and I never bother to ask. Now I know that allot of people would've called what I had back then puppy love, however that's not the case in this, when Amy walked into the class room that day, I couldn't breath and believe me I didn't even realize it till someone tapped me on the shoulder. That was when I realized that I had fallen in love for real and not that puppy love stuff that people always mention. Honestly I've never felt that way for anyone else except for one other person, and I'll cover her as well (and no it's not my ex, she never caused that at all). Now after Amy walked in that day, all I had wanted to do was to ask her out and be her boyfriend for however long it ended up lasting, back then I was hoping for life of course I really wasn't thinking in realistic long terms back then either. However I also found out that she was dating a jack ass by the name of Chris back then too (and no I don't remember his name either, but I do know that he stayed back and never graduated with my class, so I know that he's not apart of my friends list, though I could be wrong, I'll have to check on that, and Chris if you're reading this, please let me know either way), and the one thing that I over heard him talking about was having sex with Amy and then dumping her (now the reason why I can remember that, but not in detail is because of my A.D.H.D. and something that I get from it that I later ended up calling my "Hyper Mode" during that mode I can remember literally everything in extreme etch detail, it's like going from regular TV to HDTV in 1080p and storing that information forever, that's how my "Hyper Mode" works), and believe me that was not something that I liked at all and wanted to warn her about. Of course my warning her didn't come out the way that I had wanted it to in the first place. Now I don't remember who was around Amy at the time, but depending on who reads this they may end up remembering what I had done that day and during that time, I (like the childish idiot that I was back then) jumped around while trying to tell her about Chris, I was chastised and sent away, and I felt not only down, but that I had failed to warn Amy about what Chris was about to do to her. It's been one of my greatest regrets, and to this day every time that I think about it I feel hurt that I don't know what happened. Of course also at the time, I also wanted to slug the hell out of Chris for what he wanted to do to Amy, but that never happened either. That however is not one of the chances that I missed, that was just something that I felt was strongly connected, and needed to be said when it came to how I felt back then, of course the one thing that I do wonder about is what people think about it these days.

 

Anyway, the next chance that I had was shortly after that during the D.A.R.E. program that we had with a certain police officer whose name I will never mention again because of his disgraced badge. Now at the time we (meaning me and several other kids) were helping get the chairs all set up for the graduation ceremony that was taking place that night for our completing the program in the first place. Well at one point Amy and the girls that were there had gone out into the main dining area of the cafeteria where the stage was also located, and they eventually called all of the guys out there with something that they wanted to tell us. Once we were out there, the girls all started to roll up their shirts while saying something that I don't remember what it was, and once they got to right below chest level, they dropped their shirts and started laughing. For me, I figured that it might be another chance to ask Amy out again, since I had heard at that point that her and Chris had parted ways (though I don't know the details of the parting either). Now the problem that I had with trying to ask her out was that not only was she with her friends at the time, but I was also extremely nervous to the point that my tongue swelled up. Not something that I happened to like in the least, but it was also a point that I had missed to actually ask her out.

 

Now after that, several years passed by before yet other chance came up, and believe me we're talking repeat performance again, and this would be the last chance that I had before she left with her family to Arizona. However the problem this time was that we were with my mother so I couldn't ask in the first place, of course once I found out about the move, that's when my heart sank so far into the ground you would've thought that I'd buried it for good. We were at my place with Amy trying to make up for my missing a chance to dance with her at a Jr. high dance that we had. However the only music that I had at the time (which has since changed) was just pop music and that was it, I had nothing else. Didn't matter anyway, my mother stole that day with talking to Amy in the first place. Suffice it to day that day ended on two notes, one I was sad that I couldn't ask her out, and two that she was moving away. Of course I was an idiot when she showed up at my front door with a friend of hers (whose name at the current time escapes me), and I failed yet again for that short time as well.

 

Now after that I had gone into counseling for quite a few years (which now explains to people reading this, why I was always leaving the school early during that time), of course during those sessions I never actually talked about what put me there in the first place, hell talking about it only hurt worse, and it wouldn't be till years later that it would actually come out as to why I always felt the way that I did. But during my seventh grade year, things changed for me that would only have a partial impact on how I felt towards things again. My second lightening bolt struck.

 

My second lightening bolt is mind you someone that I've mentioned before, and is someone that I can't currently talk to at all, but when she walked into the class room back in Jr. High, I honestly felt like I was getting struck by lightening all over again. Everything was the same as it had been back at John Muir back during the fourth grade, it was Halloween again, and people were coming to school dressed up (of course during that time I was trying to make my own costumes and was getting teased about it, thing was (which no one knew) I was trying to take after my father when it came to actually making the costumes, and he was the one that gave me the encouragement to get it done in the first place). Well the class was the drama class (and I can hear the gasps as the memories start to come back to people too that might be reading this), and everyone that had arrived on time was there and sitting waiting to get started, well just as the roll was being taken, the door opens up to let one more student walk in, That's when I got hit. Honestly I thought at the start that the one that walked in was Amy come back to school with us again, yeah right, I was so wrong on that one. No the one that walked through the door dressed exactly as Amy had been back in the fourth grade was Corinne Wieben (of course how many reading this already figured that out before I even wrote her name down). Now Corinne I had never seen before, or even paid any attention to since my mind was still on Amy (and it was to the point that I kept saying Amy's name a random times, that's how bad it was for me), but when Corinne walked into the class that day, my world got tilted on it's side in a way that I never recovered from at all.

 

This is the start of me being an idiot towards trying to now ask Corinne out, but of course during that time I had an unknown problem at hand that I wouldn't figure out till years later, that problem was one Danielle Ackerman. What I didn't know at the time was that Danielle kept telling lies about me (of course she would deny this completely, but this is how I see the whole thing) to Corinne, and my problem was that I kept falling into them with out ever realizing it at all. Now through all the years that we had gone to school, everyone kept talking to her about things and how they were and what her feelings were, none of them ever bothered to talk to me and find out things from me on it (believe me that would've been a great help and solved more problems then they created), no instead I was just told to stay away and not talk to her or anything (like I said, completely one sided). No one knew what was going on with me or what I was going through in the least, at least not till now since I'm the one that has to write it all up for everyone to know my side of all of this. Now did I want to ask Corinne out, yes I did, did I even try, actually it was only once since I could never get near her again except to try to ask her to a dance years later.

 

Now the day that I tried asking her out, Corinne never actually answered me at all, no instead Danielle did (I remember this because I was so nervous that the infamous "Hyper Mode" I told you about before was fully kicked in), telling me that Corinne already has a boyfriend in Arizona. Like I said Corinne never said anything at all. However I was so embarrassed that all I wanted to do was just go jump in the creek (we were in Jr High when I asked her out), it was that bad, and for me that just made it more worse to the point that I couldn't even approach her again to ask, I could only watch from afar.

 

The asking her out for the dance came during high school, and that was again a repeat of how things were the first time that I had asked her out, only this time I made a visible idiot of myself after I got an actual response from her this time and not Danielle. I had walked up to her during the lunch time, and while she had been with her friends asked her to the dance (and no I don't remember what dance it was). She said no and I walked away over to a stone bench and just started going off, not one of my finer moments in my life at all.

 

Then something happened that I really felt bad about, and knew what it was too. I had been in my art class when I had seen her and Danielle walking around with Corinne crying, I realize what was going on and wanted to go change it. Turns out that what had hurt her had been that our drama teachers had made us co-stars together, so I figured that the only way to end things was to go right up to the drama teacher and let him know that I wanted out of the play. I asked my art teacher if I could go, and she said that I had to wait till after class, well by that point everything was just completely messed up and I was already out of the role to begin with, and no one had any sympathy for my at least trying to get things fixed. I felt that bad. Of course also what I didn't realize at the time was that everything that was going on bad with me would also start to effect my life both in school and out of it (and yes I was still going to the counseling, but it wasn't helping at all.

 

Then something happened that I not only wasn't expecting, but thrilled me as a possible new chance, and that was that Amy had returned (or almost had). I had found out that she had come back to California and was going to Concord High at the time, but then after one year, came back to Alhambra High. Now I've also gotten tongue around Amy, and this time was a slight bit exception, I was able to finally talk to her, but the thing that I had a problem with was that I couldn't ask her out at all, all I could say was "So how ya doing" and "what class you heading for", yeah talk about a nervous idiot. I even had the chance to try to ask her out to a dance, but instead I asked her if she was going to the dance, and she told me no that she wasn't going at all. So I failed completely on that.

 

The last time that I had a chance to ask either of them out, was at Grad Night and both of them were there, but the problem then was that I was too nervous to actually go try for either of them. Thing also was that during this time I was in an off again on again relationship with Miramonte Turley (whom I would eventually marry, much to my regret), and I was wanting to be in a more stable one (or at least what I thought would've been a stable one). However I never did get that chance with either of them and I've regretted it ever since. Please understand that if I could change time, I honestly would go back and make sure that I had those chances, and I hate the fact that I missed them.

 

Now since then and after my ex and I parted ways, there have been girls that I've asked out, but all of them have constantly said no to me, and I've never been able to find that special someone at all. So I figured that I would try the dating sites out and see where I would get on that, what's it's gotten me is nothing but longing since all of the sites require an upgrade to be able to do things that they won't let you do on the free side, and yes Plenty of Fish is like that as well. I'm currently working on a site called okcupid.com, and the problem that I've got with it is that they hid the upgrade side of everything, but I still found it. I'm honestly wishing that a dating site like Facebook would come around to help those that can't pay for anything on the upgrades, but I also know that that will never happen. So I will end up continuing to be hyper, while losing out on the ladies since I can't slow down like they want, sorry ladies but you're going to have to take me as is, and that's not going to be changing any time soon at all. Yeah I really wish that I was a programmer instead of a writer, then I could come up with that Facebook like site for dating, but I'm not so I can't. I was going to copy and past a Google search result for "free dating sites" that aren't really free, but I decided against it. Honestly I don't know how those that are reading this will react to everything that I was able to recall, but I know that now you're a little more informed about my tragic past when it comes to my being able to ask girls out (which has extended to this day).

 

By the way, if there's someone that happens to be reading this and can be able to get in touch with Amy, let her know that she still owes me a birthday that she missed. Back in the fourth or fifth grade (can't remember exactly which grade), I had a birthday at my house that she was going to come to, however at the last second, Amy had ended up coming down with a 24hr bug. Her father kept her home, and so she told me that she would make it up to me the next year. That didn't happen, but I'm still wanting the make up for that one missed birthday. Now I don't know if it can be done either this year or next, but I would like for her to make it up please. So if someone that's reading this can be able to send her the link for this entry it would be helpful, plus she can also get in touch with me when it comes to the missing birthday that I would like for her to make up.

 

Damn, talk about a long entry sheesh.

Storms pounding California, and a little something from the idiot Brown

Well I think the Lord is a might bit pissed at California, but that's just me teasing the state, however with all of the rains and snow that we've been getting these last couple of days, it doesn't surprise me that from Sacramento to Bakersfield everyone is getting pounded. So if you happen to live up in the mountain areas around Fresno, I doubt that unless you leave that area right there that you'll be getting this untill you get your power restored back to full.

 

Now I don't know who reads this and where they happen to live, but those that are up in Oakhurst and Yosemite, are in for a sour wake up with their alarms not going off, namely with the power getting killed up there due to the snow (http://www.fresnobee.com/2011/03/22/2320853/storms-disrupt-power-to-thousands.html). That's not all either, right now I've been tryig to keep up with the local weather (since I have no choice right now with all the rain hitting Fresno like crazy here), and it's all just getting completely out of hand here now. The news channel that I watch in the morning ABC 30, has got several article dealing with the flooding that's hitting us (http://abclocal.go.com/kfsn/channel?section=news/local&id=7110337) and it's all dominating that page there, at least for right now, however if that page changes, these at the articles for the stories: http://abclocal.go.com/kfsn/story?section=news/local&id=8025857, http://abclocal.go.com/kfsn/story?section=news/local&id=8023221, http://abclocal.go.com/kfsn/story?section=news/local&id=8025854, http://abclocal.go.com/kfsn/story?section=news/local&id=8025856, http://abclocal.go.com/kfsn/story?section=news/local&id=8025855, http://abclocal.go.com/kfsn/story?section=news/local&id=8023223, Once you read them you'll be amazed at everything that you'll be seeing here. Honestly I wish that it was different, but it doesn't look to be that way any time soon. Course it also reminds me of what happened to me when I had been living in Norfolk, VA after I got out of the Navy back in 2000. I was living homeless in Norfolk and I was getting weather up dates sent to my e-mail I had back then on a daily basis, however when a rain storm came in, they figured that it would be good for just one day and that would be it, however after a while they only put the current day on there and left the rest of the days blank because they didn't know how long the rain we were getting was going to be lasting there. That's honestly what it feels like now, they keep telling us that we're going to be getting rain but so far the only rain that's been hitting us except for during this past weekend, have all been during the night, which is good since I'm inside the Frenso Rescue Mission sleeping away dead to the world at the time. However I get up in the morning and all I see is the end results of the showers that are constantly hitting us right now. Heck I'm not near a window right now, but with the skies the way they were, I was even wondering if it was going to start raining while I was in here.

 

Now there's a headline that caught my attention in the paper today that I've been wanting to read, and of course I just finished it now, and this is dealing with Brown's plan "B". Ok is it me or are we repeating history here with this guy that couldn't solve his way out of a dang paper bag. (http://www.fresnobee.com/2011/03/22/2320818/brown-looks-at-budget-plan-b.html) I mean he's seriously considering going after the November elections to try to get more taxes going here, and that's after the state sales tax goes down. I know that they have to balance the budget, and that the Republicans are playing hard ball here to the point that you start to wonder if the ball that they're using might be made out of steel. This is getting nuts, and honestly I don't see it ending any time soon, plus with the Republicans holding the majority of the power right now up there, Brown is facing so many problems that one knows he'll never get anything done at all. Plus with everything that's currently going on and the ideas that he's coming up with, it only means that everything that happened to Brown before when he was last governor, it's happening all over again. Personally I say recall Brown and the majority of the idiots out of office up there and replace them with people that will actually work to get the real will of the people done instead of their own will. It's no wonder that everyone is starting to get out of this state at warp speed, with everything that's going on, this state will no longer be able to support anyone at all.

Special: Liz Taylor Dies at 79 in LA

This I was actually not expecting to happen till I saw the breaking news head line today, mean I was only going to be doing a couple of posts today since I couldn't think of any for yesterday, but once I saw this head line I knew that I had to write something up. After all this does cover into the area that I happen to deal with the most and that's the entertainment world, and normally I wouldn't actually cover a death, but this is one woman that calls for it, and since I'm a Trekkie at heart, there's a very famous line that one character from Star Trek Deep Space Nine says about the different women the he meets which is all too true here: "What a woman!"- Quark ST:DS9

 

Now I grew up hearing about Miss Taylor through out all of life, and heck half the time that I heard about her on Entertainment Tonight was always dealing with something in her personal life, and a little bit with something going on screen. So the article that I read about her (http://www.fresnobee.com/2011/03/23/2321157/film-legend-elizabeth-taylor-dies.html) shed even more light on her than I even knew before. I knew that she had married Burt Reynolds, but didn't know really about what was going on back then, of course I had my own world to think about at the time there so I really didn't think about it then. For the most part Taylor is amazing and always will be, and for the first time I'm including photos with a post that I'm writing here, however I have no idea if the photos will actually make it to the blogs, but I'm willing to give it a shot since this is one post that deserves it.

 

She is a legend that will live on, but will be missed, Liz Taylor 1932-2011