Now I don't know exactly who happens to read this, but I do know that aside from my friends that read this, there is one thing that even my future girlfriend should realize is that when it comes to how I tend to do things, I tend to use my imagination a lot. Of course by the time that I happen to get to the boyfriend girlfriend stage, she would already realize that to begin with. However there are going to be things, that no I won't mention them here, but they are unusual to say the least. The one thing that I had been thinking was what the reaction might be when she finds out what they happen to be, but since they don't happen to be of the norm, I have a feeling that she would be thinking like, "oh that's what you're into, that's nice, but odd at the same time." However I could be completely wrong too.
Now since it's been a few years (a decade this July), since I had last been with a woman, all I've ever been able to do is just think about how things were going to be like for me. Yes I do see the cute ladies around me, however the man problem that I happen to have, is that either they're wearing a ring on their finger, or if they're not, then I'm wondering if they're possibly taken as well, and it's that kind of thinking that happens to drive me completely nuts out of my mind half the bloody time. Plus with my being that extremely shy, I know that unless she came up to me and told me that she was interested in me, I would've have the courage to even go up to her and ask at all. Plus when I have gotten the courage (as I did one time back in '08) up to even ask, either they're not interested, or some other guy beat me to the punch in the first place. So either way I feel like I'm completely out of options.
The one thing that does tend to hurt though, is the fact that yes I am homeless, and very often, the girls tend to look down on that. So far I've not found one girl that doesn't mind being with a guy that happens to be homeless, after all they tend to think that if the guy is homeless, more often then not they're looking for the girls money and don't really care about them. Personally I'm not like that in the least, but I can't seem to get by that little pre-conceived notion at all. Plus when it comes to the ladies that happen to be already homeless, I've got a very strick rule when it comes to that, if they're in one of the following, I will not date them: 1) doing drugs, 2) smoking like crazy, 3) on medication for mental issues, or 4) happen to be far older then me. So that leaves just about all of them out.
Honestly I'm not interested in any of the money that the girl happens to make at all, and personally I would rather be making my own instead of relying on someone else instead, that's just how I happen to be. Problem is, you can't exactly put that up on a personals ads on-line, so in the end I end up screwed either way which doesn't happen to help in the least. Look people I really don't know what to do, and I'm honestly extremely tired of being alone. Miramonte just about abandoned me after I brought her to live with me in Norfolk, plus while I was in the Navy, she cheated on me with a guy that was also in the Navy and living a few doors down from us. So I got really screwed when she cheated on me for the first time, and then just kept cheating on me. That's the one thing that I really don't want to have to deal with again is any girl cheating on me again, once was enough, and I really couldn't put up with it again.
However I refuse to be like my mother when it comes to never having another relationship because a few got me burned, sorry but I have to have someone in my life, and that's just the way things are for me to begin with, that will never change at all. However I don't want her prediction to come true either, and that being that no girl will ever like me or want to be with me, and that I'll end up being married by the time that I'm 35 or older. If there is any girl that's out there that's reading this, could you please help me end this curse that I've gotten on myself. After all, it would help me for once if things actually started going my way for once, since for years, nothing has ever gone my way. I help everyone out, for which they notice me with out any problems, but the moment that I finish, that's when they stop noticing me, and that's when it starts to hurt the most. For example (and this doesn't help being homeless either), there was a group of people that came down to the mission to give slices of pizza away so that people could have something good to eat, and help their dogs out as well, and by the time that I got to the table, everything was gone, I had seen the last slice go to someone just as I was walking up. I figured that there might be something else, but there wasn't and that's what hurt the most. Like I said, nothing ever goes my way. There are other points, but it's way too long to list everything.
Plus the birthday is also something that I would love to once to go my way as well, the only problem is that for everyone that I've got listed on my friends list for Facebook, so far there's like only one possible coming, and beyond that 17 not attending, and awaiting replies from 73 people, and the only guest that I know attending is me. This is one day that happens to be very important to me, and there's one person that I would love to have be there the most, but I can't ever get her to respond to me or acknowledge that I exsist at all. Honestly I hate my life. :(
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