Just a few thoughts from today

Well today, I had gone up to a park that means a great deal to me,
considering all of the quite that happens to be there. Well as I sat
by a stream listening to the water flow by me, and reading, I kept
thinking that maybe a girl would actually walk up to me and just say
hi (yeah I know wishful thinking on my part), but I realized after a
little bit that when it comes to meeting someone, that wasn't the
place to do it. So after I moved out from there (after seeing several
people come around that were taking photos, and making me wish that I
had my own camera), I started to walk to a couple of different benches
to try to just sit down and continue reading, however shortly after I
started that I started to burn up from the sun that I had been sitting
in, so I then moved to a shaded bench and kept reading from there.

During the time that I had been reading, I saw several people when it
came to who was going to the part and what they were doing, and I
realized something, and that was that for me I wouldn't be meeting
someone there (though I did wonder if I should go meet up with a dog
walker, but then I figured that it wouldn't be right either way),
however I would be eventually bringing someone there in the first
place. Now I also realized as I was leaving there that when it came to
that special someone that I would like to meet eventually, that
despite what I had figured out and what I had been told, that the one
that I would eventually meet would actually come either way. I know
that I shouldn't look for her, but the thing of the matter is, I can't
stop looking, it's in my nature to constantly look and to be
constantly curious on everything till I learn about what it happens to
be (meaning anything) and then move onto the next thing. I know that's
hard to believe, but in a way it's also very true as well. So I'm
guessing that between now and the time that the vision comes true,
that I'll be meeting that special girl in my life, though in all
honesty with how fast my mind happens to work, I really do wish that
it would be sooner rather then later.

By the way, if I can't have my party at the place that I'm hoping to
go for, then I will still have it but just at a different location
instead. However everyone is still invited to come when it comes to
the party, though I still am predicting that there won't be that many
people that do come if any at all. Well as a friend of mine says, "Oh
well."

Late last minute special edition: Brown at it again!!!

Now I know that everyone could see this one coming from a mile away, I know that I did (http://www.fresnobee.com/2011/03/29/2329207/jerry-brown-declares-budget-talks.html), and now that he can't get through to people up in the capital, he's going to try to by pass them and see if he can hit us with his stupidity. Personally I'm tired of everything that he's been trying to do. I know that if what he's trying to get passed is passed (even if it's by the voters), then this state is going to be worse off then ever before. Personally I say that if he brings it before the people in an election, we shut him down cold. I'm tired of everything that he think he's doing for us, he says that he's listening to us, and yet not one person elected into that office has ever been listening to the people after they got voted into office. Recall him out of there, and put someone else in there that we know will keep listening to us even after they're in office. I'm still willing, but like I had said before, it would have to be off of donations, since I don't have the money to get it done myself.

 

By the way, next week I will not be giving the blog as early as I thought since I have to work early all next week. Just figured that I would let everyone know that.

Brown being an idiot again, a kid biking away from a gun, and possibly the next Justin Bieber

Well if it's not the state taxes that he's screwing around with, it's going to be the state's water situation, and this time he's going to be jumping the gun if he's got anything to do with it (http://www.fresnobee.com/2011/03/29/2328317/governor-expected-to-declare-end.html). It's bad enough that the Valley is always getting hurt when it comes to water right now (hell for the last several years), and I know that it's not expected to lighten up anytime soon. I mean just two years ago, we had a Federal judge come into the whole thing to take sides on what's going to be happening when it comes to the water here for the Central Valley, after all the number one thing that the Valley needs for jobs (on all levels) is the water, and it's the one thing that we're not getting at all. So to declare that the drought is over, I'm sorry but the Central Valley would seriously disagree with you on that one Brown, but then again, I still say he should be recalled out of office, however I'm not likely to see that happen any time soon at all either.

 

Now this story here that I heard about first on Alice 96.7 (http://www.myalice967.com/) about a kid that biked away from a man with a gun (http://www.fresnobee.com/2011/03/29/2328460/young-bicyclist-escapes-robbers.html), I know that it was a short story considering that they're still looking for the guy, but I have to say that the kid's got more guts then even I would I have to admit. After all, a guy points a gun at me, and believe me, not only will I be handing him the bike over, I'll be handing over anything else that he wants. After all the old saying goes "Never bring a knife to a gun fight", or in this case a bike. However he did it and I'm damned proud of him for doing something that I could never do at all.

 

This last one I'm hoping right now will go far with this kid (http://www.fresnobee.com/2011/03/29/2328519/is-ryan-beatty-the-valleys-justin.html), after all, you don't often hear about anyone from te Valley that happens to make it big any more. It's like once they get out of here, you never hear them actually talk about where they came from any more, some you do, but others just want to forget about this place, and it's completely understandable considering all of the hell that this place puts itself through day after day, and year after year. So yeah I really hope that this kid goes far.

 

I know that these aren't much, but honestly there's not that much going on in the first place, and it's not exactly like I can check something out before I get to where I post these things. Everything that I check out is done the day before, and then I write about it the next day, so like I keep saying if you happen to have something that you want me to write about, let me know.

Something I realized yesterday

Now I'm not prone to these things, at least not the way that I used to, but this one hit me hard. I had been walking to meet a friend of mine, when I started to picture something in my head, something that I realized would end up happening later on next year. What was happening was something that I'm not going to like having to wait for, but I also know that I have no other choice in the matter either, since I've learned that when it comes to something that's going to be happening, and you want to change it for what you think is the better, more often then not, it turns out that you were wrong in the first place.

 

What I had seen, was me sitting in the Student Lounge at Fresno City College next year working on my laptop when a girl comes up to me and asked what I'm working on, however the only problem that I'm going to partly have is that I'll be listening to the music on my laptop at the time while working on my book (though I really don't know if I'll be published at that time or not). Once she does at last get my attention, that's when things start to get cooking between us, at least slowly. What I realized that I was seeing was my future girlfriend, the one that I will end up getting by stopping looking in the first place. I can pine all I want, but it's not time for me to be with someone else yet, and as much as I want to try to make it other wise, I've got no choice in the matter here at all.

 

Time and again, I've seen these things happen, and when I've tried to change them, it never works out because the person that's being effected doesn't care till it happens, and they wonder how I knew in the first place. Well this one is happening to me, and as much as I would like it to be other wise, I know that there will be no other choice. I won't be meeting my new love of my life till after I start going back to Fresno City College in the fall next year. Just wish that it was other wise.

 

However when I do meet her, I know that if by that point I have gotten published, she will still be put through the test that I'm going to have her do. I already know that she'll stick with it either way, but I've got to go through the motions to make sure that she does anyway.

Rain almost out of here, and other news

Well I can say one thing for myself, I'm fully tired of the rain being here, and can't wait for it to be gone for good. Of course the problem is, I'm not in control of the weather at all, no that's up to the big guy up stairs. But it's still a pain in the butt either way.

 

The one main problem that Fresno happens to have with the rain, and we go through this every year, is that the drains for the rain, are clogged and they never get unclogged at all. No matter how many times people complain, the city here just doesn't do anything about it, always claiming that it's not in the budget at all. Well hell if they didn't redirect the budget towards their own pockets, they would have the money to actually get things done in Fresno, instead of worrying if they have the money or not when it comes to everything. Too bad even when we tell them how to be able to deal with the problem, they still don't listen in the least.

 

Now there is something that I've commented about yesterday, dealing with Abercrombie & Fitch and a product that they're now currently selling, and still continue to sell despite that parents are refusing to buy this for their kids. So no matter what they happen to call it (since they have changed the name from "Stripped push up triangle" to "Stripped triangle"), it's not only wrong, it's completely out of call as well. This is the current story on Good Morning America's web site: http://abcnews.go.com/US/abercrombie-fitch-padded-bikini-top-year-olds-parents/story?id=13236904 and personally I'm one for working on trying to get this off the market completely. It was tried once before over in Britain, but the guy pulled it from the shelf after everyone cried foul on him. However as it says in the story, this company is basically saying "Not only are we not going to pull it, you can kiss our @$$, because we'll do as we please", That's almost how it was back when the guy that ran K-Mart had said that "We're bigger the Jesus". That right there had gotten his stocks to plunge so, that Sears bought it out. Honestly I do believe that the same thing might happen if they don't change what they're doing, plus it's not a matter of if you don't buy it they won't make it. Problem is, even if you don't buy it, they will still make it because you're buying their other products, so they figure that you'll eventually buy that product as well. Personally I see that this is completely wrong, but since they happen to be bigger then me, there's no way that I can personally do anything, and I know that no one will put them into a law suit over this either.

 

Now there is something that even I find personally happy about, and it's again one that I've covered before, and it's dealing with the Nintendo 3DS. However it was covered better then I could review it (since they had the device in their hands: http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/video/nintendo-releases-3ds-handheld-device-13231925) on the weekend edition of GMA. Like I had said before, this is something that if done right, could take the market away from Sony and the PSP BIG TIME.

 

Now as I was trying to load up the page for the 3DS, I ran into a breaking news banner dealing with the Japanese Radiation that's going on over there, and from what I had seen on there, and heard from the report, the rods from some of the damaged reactors are starting to melt, and we all know that's bad news right there. However as I watched the report I noticed that this is something that we've already been seeing and it's actually nothing new on that note, but it tells us that the Japanese are trying to keep this contained and they're not going a good job of it at all.

 

Personally I know that I'm starting to sound like a reporter there, but it's hard not to, when all you want to do is just say what you really think, and I'm thinking that the superiority of the Japanese mind set over there is going down big time since all of this happened. They really just don't know what in the world they're doing and it's being proven in spades. Yes we're trying to help them out, but honestly I'm feeling a why bother mentality when it comes to all of this, however it's then another part of my mind that ends up coming back up and saying that it really wouldn't be right if we didn't help them out. Too bad that we actually can't help them out in the area that I know that they really need the help in to begin with, and that's what I find completely messed up.

The bikini top for girls (the one on the news as of late)

Personally I didn't think that I would actually be saying anything on this, but then I realized that I had to say something, after all parents are complaining when it comes to what's been in the news as of late. The problem is that when it comes to something that comes out new and is going with the trends, it has to go with what the parents are wanting and not what the kids are wanting. Problems is, that never tends to mesh together as one.

 

Now the thing with this bikini top that's been in the news, is to me a double standard of parents, when it comes to the girls to the boys. The parents always want their daughters to remain young and not to grow up too fast, and yet when it comes to the sons, no they have to grow up fast, they're never allowed to have a childhood at all. Personally I call that a double standard, one that seriously needs to be addressed when it comes to our kids, and it's one that's been needing to get addressed for years. Boys are never allowed to cry, to men it's considered a sign of weakness (which is just bull to begin with), but girls are supposed to stay forever young, and then when they rebel, they're considered everything vile, from sluts to whores to you name it and that's wrong. Honestly if we don't let them be themselves it's going to be worse years down the line when the time comes. I hate to say this, but from what I've been seeing as I've been watching people around me, girls that are younger are appearing older and older, and yet, they're actually around 12 and 13 years old, and it's only getting worse. I mean the one thing that the article on GMA had shown (http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/video/push-bikini-young-girls-abercrombie-fitch-markets-little-business-13231892), was kids (young girls) putting on make up, and trying to make themselves look better then the way that they were, and the thing is, we planted this all in their heads and we're currently trying to fight it like crazy, and guess what IT'S NOT WORKING!!!!

 

Now I know that normally I don't deal with a news subject on the weekend, but this here just had me seething inside because of the two-facedness that parents have for their kids when it comes to this, and no matter what we do, we're conflicting with ourselves when it comes to supporting our kids. I'm sorry to say, but we can't have it both way, it's either one way or the other, Either way, all of this will come to a head, and it's going to be bad for everyone, I know it, but I also know that who ever reads this, won't believe what I'm saying until it actually happens.

The one thing that my next love needs to realize

Now I don't know exactly who happens to read this, but I do know that aside from my friends that read this, there is one thing that even my future girlfriend should realize is that when it comes to how I tend to do things, I tend to use my imagination a lot. Of course by the time that I happen to get to the boyfriend girlfriend stage, she would already realize that to begin with. However there are going to be things, that no I won't mention them here, but they are unusual to say the least. The one thing that I had been thinking was what the reaction might be when she finds out what they happen to be, but since they don't happen to be of the norm, I have a feeling that she would be thinking like, "oh that's what you're into, that's nice, but odd at the same time." However I could be completely wrong too.

 

Now since it's been a few years (a decade this July), since I had last been with a woman, all I've ever been able to do is just think about how things were going to be like for me. Yes I do see the cute ladies around me, however the man problem that I happen to have, is that either they're wearing a ring on their finger, or if they're not, then I'm wondering if they're possibly taken as well, and it's that kind of thinking that happens to drive me completely nuts out of my mind half the bloody time. Plus with my being that extremely shy, I know that unless she came up to me and told me that she was interested in me, I would've have the courage to even go up to her and ask at all. Plus when I have gotten the courage (as I did one time back in '08) up to even ask, either they're not interested, or some other guy beat me to the punch in the first place. So either way I feel like I'm completely out of options.

 

The one thing that does tend to hurt though, is the fact that yes I am homeless, and very often, the girls tend to look down on that. So far I've not found one girl that doesn't mind being with a guy that happens to be homeless, after all they tend to think that if the guy is homeless, more often then not they're looking for the girls money and don't really care about them. Personally I'm not like that in the least, but I can't seem to get by that little pre-conceived notion at all. Plus when it comes to the ladies that happen to be already homeless, I've got a very strick rule when it comes to that, if they're in one of the following, I will not date them: 1) doing drugs, 2) smoking like crazy, 3) on medication for mental issues, or 4) happen to be far older then me. So that leaves just about all of them out.

 

Honestly I'm not interested in any of the money that the girl happens to make at all, and personally I would rather be making my own instead of relying on someone else instead, that's just how I happen to be. Problem is, you can't exactly put that up on a personals ads on-line, so in the end I end up screwed either way which doesn't happen to help in the least. Look people I really don't know what to do, and I'm honestly extremely tired of being alone. Miramonte just about abandoned me after I brought her to live with me in Norfolk, plus while I was in the Navy, she cheated on me with a guy that was also in the Navy and living a few doors down from us. So I got really screwed when she cheated on me for the first time, and then just kept cheating on me. That's the one thing that I really don't want to have to deal with again is any girl cheating on me again, once was enough, and I really couldn't put up with it again.

 

However I refuse to be like my mother when it comes to never having another relationship because a few got me burned, sorry but I have to have someone in my life, and that's just the way things are for me to begin with, that will never change at all. However I don't want her prediction to come true either, and that being that no girl will ever like me or want to be with me, and that I'll end up being married by the time that I'm 35 or older. If there is any girl that's out there that's reading this, could you please help me end this curse that I've gotten on myself. After all, it would help me for once if things actually started going my way for once, since for years, nothing has ever gone my way. I help everyone out, for which they notice me with out any problems, but the moment that I finish, that's when they stop noticing me, and that's when it starts to hurt the most. For example (and this doesn't help being homeless either), there was a group of people that came down to the mission to give slices of pizza away so that people could have something good to eat, and help their dogs out as well, and by the time that I got to the table, everything was gone, I had seen the last slice go to someone just as I was walking up. I figured that there might be something else, but there wasn't and that's what hurt the most. Like I said, nothing ever goes my way. There are other points, but it's way too long to list everything.

 

Plus the birthday is also something that I would love to once to go my way as well, the only problem is that for everyone that I've got listed on my friends list for Facebook, so far there's like only one possible coming, and beyond that 17 not attending, and awaiting replies from 73 people, and the only guest that I know attending is me. This is one day that happens to be very important to me, and there's one person that I would love to have be there the most, but I can't ever get her to respond to me or acknowledge that I exsist at all. Honestly I hate my life. :(

The reason for my constantly writing about my wanting a love life

I know that you the reader, doesn't happen to like too much, when I go in about my lack of a love life that I happen to have. Believe me, even the people that I hand around during the day don't happen to like it either when I happen to be preening over a girl that happens to be cute, but I know is also taken. I remember telling a friend of mine that is constantly getting things with out ever asking for them, that he could fall into a pile of crap and come out smelling like roses (though I really don't know what roses smell like since literally all flowers smell the same to me), and if I happen to fall into crap, I come out smelling like the ninth level of hell or worse. For me it happens to hurt the most since I can't ever either have anything ever go my way (since I happen to have the worst luck on the damned planet), or I just get completely ignored. I mean it's honestly worse then when I had been teased back in school.

 

One of the main reasons that I had put up that challenge (that no one seems to have been responding to at all), so that you can see how my life happens to be here in this damned town and what things are like here. I mostly do a lot of bus riding and watching other people, and mostly become jealous over what they happen to have that I can't ever seem to get in my life, and it's one of the things that I most hate in my life right now. Honestly half the time I'm so depressed that those that I'm around change the subject quickly (at least those that know me, others keep on going to the point that I end up telling them rather forcefully to "shut the hell up OK, I'm really not in the mood to keep listening to that shit constantly". Then it's at that point that he gets told what's going on, of course they seem to have a two second memory because then they're right back at it.

 

So yes most of the depression is because I don't happen to have someone in my life right now that would be a complete bright spot there. Thing is, even though it's gotten to that point (and there's a revelation coming up here), I would never take my own life. A lack of a love life is no reason to end it at all. However at one point in my past during high school (or was it Jr. High, I can never remember which time it was any more), I actually did try to end it all. Too bad the day that I picked was the wrong day (and one could make the argument that I really hadn't wanted to end things after all). It had gotten that bad for me, not only was it dealing with wanting to ask Corinne out, but at the same time there were other girls that I had been wanting to ask out as well that I just couldn't get up the nerve to ask in the first place. However I only know a couple of the names here that I wanted to ask out in the first place, they are: Abbie  Rocconi, Hillary Handlesman, Connie Fisher, and a couple of others whose names take off on me right now. Either way, I knew that I could always ask others out and not have to entirely be trying to ask one person out all the time. However the one thing that I had the most was the constant fear of rejection (namely since my mother was constantly telling me that no girl would ever want to go with me and that the only girl that would ever want to was one that was desperate, and she didn't want me to start having sex till I was 35 (looks like in a way both of those may come true at the rate that things are going here, if at all). So in the end I'm completely depressed over the lack of a love life because I not only fear getting rejected, as I did at one point near my birthday back in '08 when a girl that I liked I asked out, and she gave me the dreaded friends only card.

 

So when I happen to be asking for help when it comes to me finding someone, I have a reason, I not only don't want to be alone any more, I would like to end my depression that I happen to have all the damned time. So if you happen to know someone (either from our class or out side of our class, but around my age) please help me try to make first contact here ok. At least now you know why I'm always going off about my lack of a love life. I'm both tried of being alone, and I'm wanting to have both a family and a wife that I know won't cheat on me and will stay by me no matter what.

Fresno getting pounded hard, and not just from the rain either (which is still coming)

I honestly can't believe everything that's going on with this state, and the politicians are just about going nuts when it comes to cutting and borrowing big time, and I honestly I'm starting to wonder what in the world is up with these people.

 

Now everything right now is going right to heck thanks to what Brown has signed in, and it's not going to be easy in the least, and that's talking mildly to start with. (http://www.fresnobee.com/2011/03/24/2323722/fresno-county-feels-cuts-as-brown.html). With the 20 Million that's being taken away from Fresno, kids and teens are going to be the hardest hit right off, and it's not going to be stopping there either. Honestly I continue to wonder why in the world we elected this idiot into power in the first place? I know that a lot of people were feeling that it was better to have Brown then Schwarzenegger, but did no one even bother to consider Meg Whitman at all, I mean despite all of the campaigning that she had done, I ask people who they would've considered for the Governor's office, and with out mentioning any names at all, they keep saying that Brown would've been better option then having Schwarzenegger in there, and not once does Meg ever get mentioned at all. Hell I even say "Well what about Meg Whitman?" I actually had one person actually look at me and ask who was that. Honestly I wonder if we actually had a recall today and Whitman ran for office again, who anyone even know who in the world she happens to be. Last I had known, she was the one person that actually fueled her own campaign with her own money, leaving allot of others behind when it came to how much she put in herself. Heck she was actually questioned when it came to where her money was coming from at one point, and what did she do, she provided bank statements that told everyone that she was spending her own money to get into the Governor's mansion (which honestly should've gone to her in the first place, but it seems that this state can't learn from it's own past).

 

Now the situation when it comes to the different programs that are getting hurt here: First 5 Commission, Community colleges, and Welfare, are getting hit the hardest, and everything that deals with them. Now the First 5 deal with the first 5 years of a child's life and that is losing $1 Billion from it that Brown is taking and putting else where, which is to say that those getting helped out from that program are going to be losing out big time, which in the end won't help anyone at all. However the one thing that I like is that this one may end up in court, and I'm honestly hoping that the courts put a hold on this and tell him that he can't do this. Heck it reminds me of what Bush tried to do during his reign in office, when something had come up that was dealing with kids getting health benefits were the primary thing, Bush had vetoed it like crazy, but thankfully those that were in Congress at the time saw the wisdom in overriding his veto and put the whole thing into place (that's because they knew what would happen if they didn't over ride his veto, they would've been out of a job in a heartbeat). The next one is dealing with the Community College, which for me is hitting close to home since I had been in school the first time that this had happened with the tuition getting raised, the only thing is, no one expected within only a couple of years for the tuition to be raised as much as it had. I had been apart of a major state gathering at the capital back in (I believe) '03 when we had a march on the Capital for what then Grey Davis was doing (who had since been recalled out of office after he got reelected back in when he should've lost in the first place). Then the next thing we know over the short amount of years, the tuition kept going up and up. There's been no end to it in the last couple of years, I mean the problem currently right now is that those that are going to Fresno City College are having a hard time getting that education that they need in order to be able to get the jobs that require the degree that they need to get in order to have that job. Plus with Fresno State dropping a lot of their classes and the Jr. College level picking them up, people here are having to go between the school in order to be able to get to different classes. It's getting that bad. Then there's the welfare side of the whole coin, the side that I'm currently on since I happen to have Food Stamps right now.

 

Now the Welfare part is not only a personal thing, but thanks to shows like "16 and Pregnant" teens these days are wanting to get pregnant since these shows are glamorizing everything that shouldn't be glamorized in the first place. My ex had to drop out of school in order to have a baby that she had gotten pregnant with (and that was during one of our off times, I can't have kids so she kept cheating on me in order to keep having kids). Yes there are other programs out there that help out when it comes to pregnant teens, but the first thing that they keep hearing from everyone is welfare instead of these programs that help out. Now personally I begin to wondering what it's fully going to be like when they don't have these programs to rely on, but the fact is, is that with everything that's going on thanks to how the job market is, and how the businesses aren't paying their employees their due pay, things are going to be getting worse then anything anyone has ever known before.

 

Now this next one (http://www.fresnobee.com/2011/03/24/2323712/fresno-faces-more-cutbacks-and.html) is something that the city council is doing and the problem is, they're constantly suggesting the one thing that Target wants it's guests to do, and that's donate 5% extra for something that Target happens to have set up. I don't know who got this 5% stuff into their heads, but this is just not going to cut anything since the 5% won't do much of anything at all. However the one side that's getting hit in the least is the one that should be feeling the pinch the most after all of the bad things that they've been doing for the past couple of years, and that's the police department. I know that's wrong since we do need them, but the problem is, is that they're starting to have like a god complex that makes them think that nothing can hurt them, not even law suits. Personally I think that this is wrong and they should be effected by what's going on here, after all everyone else is being effected in ways that are making the unions sit up and take notice for once. However the only one that's actually sitting pretty here is the police and they shouldn't be at all.

 

Look I know that these things are going to effect all of us and there's no way in the world that we shouldn't take notice in the least, but the problem is right now that those in office are not thinking right, and I know that Brown has never thought right, one should actually look back at what's happened in the past when it comes to him and honestly start thinking of recalling him out of office. Though I'm starting to think that there should be a clause in the state constitution about serving twice after you've already served once before for the full term and then term out. Heck I believe that termed out means that they can't run again, and yet Brown not only ran again, but at the same time he won and he never should've in the first place, that right there was wrong.

 

Now I know that I've often getting into government here, but those are the major headlines that I'm reading here, and I don't exactly have the money to go see a movie right now to review it on here and I've asked before for people to send me links for articles that they would like to post my opinion on, which is what a blog happens to be in the first place is ones opinion on what's going on out there. Believe me I would love to talk about something other then government, but I don't have that option currently. So please help out if you don't always want to read about the government and their stupidity constantly. Just a thought.

Addium to last entry

By the way, I only covered what I remembered from school, because all of the other chances that I had in my life were so short, that I didn't think that they were worth mentioning at all. However if you would like to know about them, then please let me know and I will post them up as well.

 

Thanks

My past missed shots at love, and free online dating sites aren't really free

Well I'm actually writing this because of two things, 1) to prove about my partial photographic memory, and 2) because of a site that a friend told me to go to that I had already checked out. Now this post my get a little long in the tooth, but that's only because of the details that I can recall when it comes to my memory, and believe me it does get detailed. The only thing that I can never remember is what everyone said during those times, only everything that I had seen and smelled and where it took place during those times.

 

Now the majority of the missed shots at love actually deal with Amy Hughes, course at the time I really wasn't looking for anyone else after she had caught my eye back in the fourth grade on Halloween, she walked into the class room dressed as either a princess or a bride, I never could tell and I never bother to ask. Now I know that allot of people would've called what I had back then puppy love, however that's not the case in this, when Amy walked into the class room that day, I couldn't breath and believe me I didn't even realize it till someone tapped me on the shoulder. That was when I realized that I had fallen in love for real and not that puppy love stuff that people always mention. Honestly I've never felt that way for anyone else except for one other person, and I'll cover her as well (and no it's not my ex, she never caused that at all). Now after Amy walked in that day, all I had wanted to do was to ask her out and be her boyfriend for however long it ended up lasting, back then I was hoping for life of course I really wasn't thinking in realistic long terms back then either. However I also found out that she was dating a jack ass by the name of Chris back then too (and no I don't remember his name either, but I do know that he stayed back and never graduated with my class, so I know that he's not apart of my friends list, though I could be wrong, I'll have to check on that, and Chris if you're reading this, please let me know either way), and the one thing that I over heard him talking about was having sex with Amy and then dumping her (now the reason why I can remember that, but not in detail is because of my A.D.H.D. and something that I get from it that I later ended up calling my "Hyper Mode" during that mode I can remember literally everything in extreme etch detail, it's like going from regular TV to HDTV in 1080p and storing that information forever, that's how my "Hyper Mode" works), and believe me that was not something that I liked at all and wanted to warn her about. Of course my warning her didn't come out the way that I had wanted it to in the first place. Now I don't remember who was around Amy at the time, but depending on who reads this they may end up remembering what I had done that day and during that time, I (like the childish idiot that I was back then) jumped around while trying to tell her about Chris, I was chastised and sent away, and I felt not only down, but that I had failed to warn Amy about what Chris was about to do to her. It's been one of my greatest regrets, and to this day every time that I think about it I feel hurt that I don't know what happened. Of course also at the time, I also wanted to slug the hell out of Chris for what he wanted to do to Amy, but that never happened either. That however is not one of the chances that I missed, that was just something that I felt was strongly connected, and needed to be said when it came to how I felt back then, of course the one thing that I do wonder about is what people think about it these days.

 

Anyway, the next chance that I had was shortly after that during the D.A.R.E. program that we had with a certain police officer whose name I will never mention again because of his disgraced badge. Now at the time we (meaning me and several other kids) were helping get the chairs all set up for the graduation ceremony that was taking place that night for our completing the program in the first place. Well at one point Amy and the girls that were there had gone out into the main dining area of the cafeteria where the stage was also located, and they eventually called all of the guys out there with something that they wanted to tell us. Once we were out there, the girls all started to roll up their shirts while saying something that I don't remember what it was, and once they got to right below chest level, they dropped their shirts and started laughing. For me, I figured that it might be another chance to ask Amy out again, since I had heard at that point that her and Chris had parted ways (though I don't know the details of the parting either). Now the problem that I had with trying to ask her out was that not only was she with her friends at the time, but I was also extremely nervous to the point that my tongue swelled up. Not something that I happened to like in the least, but it was also a point that I had missed to actually ask her out.

 

Now after that, several years passed by before yet other chance came up, and believe me we're talking repeat performance again, and this would be the last chance that I had before she left with her family to Arizona. However the problem this time was that we were with my mother so I couldn't ask in the first place, of course once I found out about the move, that's when my heart sank so far into the ground you would've thought that I'd buried it for good. We were at my place with Amy trying to make up for my missing a chance to dance with her at a Jr. high dance that we had. However the only music that I had at the time (which has since changed) was just pop music and that was it, I had nothing else. Didn't matter anyway, my mother stole that day with talking to Amy in the first place. Suffice it to day that day ended on two notes, one I was sad that I couldn't ask her out, and two that she was moving away. Of course I was an idiot when she showed up at my front door with a friend of hers (whose name at the current time escapes me), and I failed yet again for that short time as well.

 

Now after that I had gone into counseling for quite a few years (which now explains to people reading this, why I was always leaving the school early during that time), of course during those sessions I never actually talked about what put me there in the first place, hell talking about it only hurt worse, and it wouldn't be till years later that it would actually come out as to why I always felt the way that I did. But during my seventh grade year, things changed for me that would only have a partial impact on how I felt towards things again. My second lightening bolt struck.

 

My second lightening bolt is mind you someone that I've mentioned before, and is someone that I can't currently talk to at all, but when she walked into the class room back in Jr. High, I honestly felt like I was getting struck by lightening all over again. Everything was the same as it had been back at John Muir back during the fourth grade, it was Halloween again, and people were coming to school dressed up (of course during that time I was trying to make my own costumes and was getting teased about it, thing was (which no one knew) I was trying to take after my father when it came to actually making the costumes, and he was the one that gave me the encouragement to get it done in the first place). Well the class was the drama class (and I can hear the gasps as the memories start to come back to people too that might be reading this), and everyone that had arrived on time was there and sitting waiting to get started, well just as the roll was being taken, the door opens up to let one more student walk in, That's when I got hit. Honestly I thought at the start that the one that walked in was Amy come back to school with us again, yeah right, I was so wrong on that one. No the one that walked through the door dressed exactly as Amy had been back in the fourth grade was Corinne Wieben (of course how many reading this already figured that out before I even wrote her name down). Now Corinne I had never seen before, or even paid any attention to since my mind was still on Amy (and it was to the point that I kept saying Amy's name a random times, that's how bad it was for me), but when Corinne walked into the class that day, my world got tilted on it's side in a way that I never recovered from at all.

 

This is the start of me being an idiot towards trying to now ask Corinne out, but of course during that time I had an unknown problem at hand that I wouldn't figure out till years later, that problem was one Danielle Ackerman. What I didn't know at the time was that Danielle kept telling lies about me (of course she would deny this completely, but this is how I see the whole thing) to Corinne, and my problem was that I kept falling into them with out ever realizing it at all. Now through all the years that we had gone to school, everyone kept talking to her about things and how they were and what her feelings were, none of them ever bothered to talk to me and find out things from me on it (believe me that would've been a great help and solved more problems then they created), no instead I was just told to stay away and not talk to her or anything (like I said, completely one sided). No one knew what was going on with me or what I was going through in the least, at least not till now since I'm the one that has to write it all up for everyone to know my side of all of this. Now did I want to ask Corinne out, yes I did, did I even try, actually it was only once since I could never get near her again except to try to ask her to a dance years later.

 

Now the day that I tried asking her out, Corinne never actually answered me at all, no instead Danielle did (I remember this because I was so nervous that the infamous "Hyper Mode" I told you about before was fully kicked in), telling me that Corinne already has a boyfriend in Arizona. Like I said Corinne never said anything at all. However I was so embarrassed that all I wanted to do was just go jump in the creek (we were in Jr High when I asked her out), it was that bad, and for me that just made it more worse to the point that I couldn't even approach her again to ask, I could only watch from afar.

 

The asking her out for the dance came during high school, and that was again a repeat of how things were the first time that I had asked her out, only this time I made a visible idiot of myself after I got an actual response from her this time and not Danielle. I had walked up to her during the lunch time, and while she had been with her friends asked her to the dance (and no I don't remember what dance it was). She said no and I walked away over to a stone bench and just started going off, not one of my finer moments in my life at all.

 

Then something happened that I really felt bad about, and knew what it was too. I had been in my art class when I had seen her and Danielle walking around with Corinne crying, I realize what was going on and wanted to go change it. Turns out that what had hurt her had been that our drama teachers had made us co-stars together, so I figured that the only way to end things was to go right up to the drama teacher and let him know that I wanted out of the play. I asked my art teacher if I could go, and she said that I had to wait till after class, well by that point everything was just completely messed up and I was already out of the role to begin with, and no one had any sympathy for my at least trying to get things fixed. I felt that bad. Of course also what I didn't realize at the time was that everything that was going on bad with me would also start to effect my life both in school and out of it (and yes I was still going to the counseling, but it wasn't helping at all.

 

Then something happened that I not only wasn't expecting, but thrilled me as a possible new chance, and that was that Amy had returned (or almost had). I had found out that she had come back to California and was going to Concord High at the time, but then after one year, came back to Alhambra High. Now I've also gotten tongue around Amy, and this time was a slight bit exception, I was able to finally talk to her, but the thing that I had a problem with was that I couldn't ask her out at all, all I could say was "So how ya doing" and "what class you heading for", yeah talk about a nervous idiot. I even had the chance to try to ask her out to a dance, but instead I asked her if she was going to the dance, and she told me no that she wasn't going at all. So I failed completely on that.

 

The last time that I had a chance to ask either of them out, was at Grad Night and both of them were there, but the problem then was that I was too nervous to actually go try for either of them. Thing also was that during this time I was in an off again on again relationship with Miramonte Turley (whom I would eventually marry, much to my regret), and I was wanting to be in a more stable one (or at least what I thought would've been a stable one). However I never did get that chance with either of them and I've regretted it ever since. Please understand that if I could change time, I honestly would go back and make sure that I had those chances, and I hate the fact that I missed them.

 

Now since then and after my ex and I parted ways, there have been girls that I've asked out, but all of them have constantly said no to me, and I've never been able to find that special someone at all. So I figured that I would try the dating sites out and see where I would get on that, what's it's gotten me is nothing but longing since all of the sites require an upgrade to be able to do things that they won't let you do on the free side, and yes Plenty of Fish is like that as well. I'm currently working on a site called okcupid.com, and the problem that I've got with it is that they hid the upgrade side of everything, but I still found it. I'm honestly wishing that a dating site like Facebook would come around to help those that can't pay for anything on the upgrades, but I also know that that will never happen. So I will end up continuing to be hyper, while losing out on the ladies since I can't slow down like they want, sorry ladies but you're going to have to take me as is, and that's not going to be changing any time soon at all. Yeah I really wish that I was a programmer instead of a writer, then I could come up with that Facebook like site for dating, but I'm not so I can't. I was going to copy and past a Google search result for "free dating sites" that aren't really free, but I decided against it. Honestly I don't know how those that are reading this will react to everything that I was able to recall, but I know that now you're a little more informed about my tragic past when it comes to my being able to ask girls out (which has extended to this day).

 

By the way, if there's someone that happens to be reading this and can be able to get in touch with Amy, let her know that she still owes me a birthday that she missed. Back in the fourth or fifth grade (can't remember exactly which grade), I had a birthday at my house that she was going to come to, however at the last second, Amy had ended up coming down with a 24hr bug. Her father kept her home, and so she told me that she would make it up to me the next year. That didn't happen, but I'm still wanting the make up for that one missed birthday. Now I don't know if it can be done either this year or next, but I would like for her to make it up please. So if someone that's reading this can be able to send her the link for this entry it would be helpful, plus she can also get in touch with me when it comes to the missing birthday that I would like for her to make up.

 

Damn, talk about a long entry sheesh.

Storms pounding California, and a little something from the idiot Brown

Well I think the Lord is a might bit pissed at California, but that's just me teasing the state, however with all of the rains and snow that we've been getting these last couple of days, it doesn't surprise me that from Sacramento to Bakersfield everyone is getting pounded. So if you happen to live up in the mountain areas around Fresno, I doubt that unless you leave that area right there that you'll be getting this untill you get your power restored back to full.

 

Now I don't know who reads this and where they happen to live, but those that are up in Oakhurst and Yosemite, are in for a sour wake up with their alarms not going off, namely with the power getting killed up there due to the snow (http://www.fresnobee.com/2011/03/22/2320853/storms-disrupt-power-to-thousands.html). That's not all either, right now I've been tryig to keep up with the local weather (since I have no choice right now with all the rain hitting Fresno like crazy here), and it's all just getting completely out of hand here now. The news channel that I watch in the morning ABC 30, has got several article dealing with the flooding that's hitting us (http://abclocal.go.com/kfsn/channel?section=news/local&id=7110337) and it's all dominating that page there, at least for right now, however if that page changes, these at the articles for the stories: http://abclocal.go.com/kfsn/story?section=news/local&id=8025857, http://abclocal.go.com/kfsn/story?section=news/local&id=8023221, http://abclocal.go.com/kfsn/story?section=news/local&id=8025854, http://abclocal.go.com/kfsn/story?section=news/local&id=8025856, http://abclocal.go.com/kfsn/story?section=news/local&id=8025855, http://abclocal.go.com/kfsn/story?section=news/local&id=8023223, Once you read them you'll be amazed at everything that you'll be seeing here. Honestly I wish that it was different, but it doesn't look to be that way any time soon. Course it also reminds me of what happened to me when I had been living in Norfolk, VA after I got out of the Navy back in 2000. I was living homeless in Norfolk and I was getting weather up dates sent to my e-mail I had back then on a daily basis, however when a rain storm came in, they figured that it would be good for just one day and that would be it, however after a while they only put the current day on there and left the rest of the days blank because they didn't know how long the rain we were getting was going to be lasting there. That's honestly what it feels like now, they keep telling us that we're going to be getting rain but so far the only rain that's been hitting us except for during this past weekend, have all been during the night, which is good since I'm inside the Frenso Rescue Mission sleeping away dead to the world at the time. However I get up in the morning and all I see is the end results of the showers that are constantly hitting us right now. Heck I'm not near a window right now, but with the skies the way they were, I was even wondering if it was going to start raining while I was in here.

 

Now there's a headline that caught my attention in the paper today that I've been wanting to read, and of course I just finished it now, and this is dealing with Brown's plan "B". Ok is it me or are we repeating history here with this guy that couldn't solve his way out of a dang paper bag. (http://www.fresnobee.com/2011/03/22/2320818/brown-looks-at-budget-plan-b.html) I mean he's seriously considering going after the November elections to try to get more taxes going here, and that's after the state sales tax goes down. I know that they have to balance the budget, and that the Republicans are playing hard ball here to the point that you start to wonder if the ball that they're using might be made out of steel. This is getting nuts, and honestly I don't see it ending any time soon, plus with the Republicans holding the majority of the power right now up there, Brown is facing so many problems that one knows he'll never get anything done at all. Plus with everything that's currently going on and the ideas that he's coming up with, it only means that everything that happened to Brown before when he was last governor, it's happening all over again. Personally I say recall Brown and the majority of the idiots out of office up there and replace them with people that will actually work to get the real will of the people done instead of their own will. It's no wonder that everyone is starting to get out of this state at warp speed, with everything that's going on, this state will no longer be able to support anyone at all.

Special: Liz Taylor Dies at 79 in LA

This I was actually not expecting to happen till I saw the breaking news head line today, mean I was only going to be doing a couple of posts today since I couldn't think of any for yesterday, but once I saw this head line I knew that I had to write something up. After all this does cover into the area that I happen to deal with the most and that's the entertainment world, and normally I wouldn't actually cover a death, but this is one woman that calls for it, and since I'm a Trekkie at heart, there's a very famous line that one character from Star Trek Deep Space Nine says about the different women the he meets which is all too true here: "What a woman!"- Quark ST:DS9

 

Now I grew up hearing about Miss Taylor through out all of life, and heck half the time that I heard about her on Entertainment Tonight was always dealing with something in her personal life, and a little bit with something going on screen. So the article that I read about her (http://www.fresnobee.com/2011/03/23/2321157/film-legend-elizabeth-taylor-dies.html) shed even more light on her than I even knew before. I knew that she had married Burt Reynolds, but didn't know really about what was going on back then, of course I had my own world to think about at the time there so I really didn't think about it then. For the most part Taylor is amazing and always will be, and for the first time I'm including photos with a post that I'm writing here, however I have no idea if the photos will actually make it to the blogs, but I'm willing to give it a shot since this is one post that deserves it.

 

She is a legend that will live on, but will be missed, Liz Taylor 1932-2011

Casting calls: The Bachelor, Take the Money and Run, Wipeout, and You Deserve It

I've been going over the ABC web site for casting calls since I had planned on trying to get casted to The Bachelor (however they require the one thing that I don't currently have right now which is a phone so I couldn't complete the application). However there is a couple of shows that I honestly believe that would help me out, the only thing is, I can't apply for one of them, but the other I already just did.

 

The one that I applied to is the hit show on Tuesdays (or Thursday, I tend to forget since they show it on both days) called Wipeout, I hope I can be able to get onto the show, though I don't know how they're going to take my work uniform that I had for photos of myself. I know that the show tends to go after the wacky, well that's getting wacky alright. I do know that I can make it to the end of the show if I get on, I am not only that energetic, but at the same time I don't think that my energy tends to run out at all, yes strange gifts that I've been given thanks to my A.D.H.D.

 

Now the one that I couldn't go for is a show that's being currently cast called "You Deserve It". For that show, someone that you know has to be nominated for the possibility of getting life changing money, and considering the fact that right now I'm currently homeless, yeah I would say that qualifies, but like I said, I can't nominate my self at all. So if anyone that's reading this wants to help out, just go to the ABC website and check out the casting page: http://abc.go.com/site/casting to see what you can do.

 

Now the last show that they're doing a casting call for is a show that's going to be filming in certain select cities. The show is called "Take the Money and Run" and this is what the casting discription calls:

 

"Take the Money and Run

 

From the producers of The Amazing Race, CSI, and Cold Case comes an entirely new heart stopping competition show for ABC called Take the Money and Run.

 

The series is a game of cat and mouse between two teams. The week long filming process will be an experience to remember. The perfect, two-person team would be energetic, confident and competitive. We are looking for teams that know their cities like the back of their hand and are ready for the ultimate rush to try and win $100,000!!!

 

Casting Directors are currently searching for exciting teams in the following areas:

Northern California's Bay Area

Florida's Broward County and Miami

Chicago, IL

 

Please send your email submission before the December 2nd deadline to: Takethemoneycasting@gmail.com

 

please be sure your email includes the following:

 

team member names

age

occupation

address

(2)photos of each team member

and a brief description of team members"

 

Now I know that I can't take part in this show since I know nothing of the cities that they're filming in, but I figured for those that happen to read this blog, that you might want to take part, and that's why I'm putting it in there in the first place. So try to go for it and see what happens. After all, one never knows, unless one applies for it in the first place.

California Republicans back in the spot light (again ugh!)

I honestly don't know what's going on when it comes to the Republicans in this state, other then the fact that they aren't listening to their voters any more, and they seem to just love the spot light like crazy, which makes sense. After all, while others avoid the spot light, they are the only ones that seek it. The only thing is, is that when they seek it, they think that they're doing this for the bettering of California voters, and the problem with that is, they're not listening to the voters at all, they have their own agenda that they're going for and as far as they're concerned, the voters can kiss off.

 

The reason that I'm ripping on the Republicans today isn't like before, I caught the following story: http://www.fresnobee.com/2011/03/20/2318123/california-gop-rejects-divisive.html, and I tend to wonder what the hell the Republicans are thinking. Yes I understand their whole thing of no taxes period, and that Brown needs to deliver on his promise of new jobs (which won't happen while the current climate in this state is the way that it happens to be). However the thing that they have to realize is that when it comes right down to everything, unless you happen to be super rich (like the vast majority of the Republicans are since they're the ones that are always rejecting the new (or any) taxes since they don't ever want to lose their money at all), yes taxes are a bad idea, but it's the only way that everything is going to be either paid for or repaired. And with the Republicans actually rejecting something like when it comes to nominating the right people, it only means that they want to make sure that only people serving their needs and not the people's needs are going to be met, which I personally feel is wrong all around. At least the Democrats are trying to work with the people, and now that I think about it, I've realized that when it comes to both parties, the Democrats have tried to live up to the will of the people, the problem is is that about 90% of the time when we get someone in office that's a Democrat, the only reason why we end up rejecting that person shortly after is because they can't clean up fast enough a mess that the former person left (which the majority of the time it happens to be a Republican that leaves the mess). Now don't get me wrong, both the republicans and the democrats are both bad, after all for everything that they tend to say after a while, they just say what we want to hear and then go off and do what they want to do anyway and always leaving us hanging in the air after. Not once has either party fully listened to what the people have to say after they end up in office, only during their campaign and that's it. Personally I feel that it needs to end, and that we need a new party in their that actually serves the people, but that won't happen any time soon at all.

 

Now there was another story that I had wanted to cover, but I didn't get the chance to read it yesterday, and that was dealing with a judge rejecting the anti-union situation that's currently going on in Wisconsin, however I couldn't get the article to read which would've helped out in knowing what the situation really was. Oh well so much for the idea.

Around the world and with Fresno

Well, I wasn't actually going to be doing any entry dealing with what's going on over in Liba, but it looks like I should. I know that this is a hot button topic and I really don't want to pick sides, but one has to be understanding when it comes to something like this in the first place. And I know that there are two sides to this, but the thing is you have two sides over there, and two sides over here.

 

Now I can understand what the feelings are over here when it comes to any war, at first we're all for it if something happens to us, but it seems like when something happens to someone else, that we should stay out of it and just let them handle they're own problems, that would be true if that was the case here, it wasn't and the fact of the matter is, we didn't send in the first missiles into Liba, it was actually the French that did that. However yesterday when I had gone over to the Wheel audition yesterday, there was an entire group that was out there protesting our going into the war. Now please realize that we had done this once before and that was just before we got into WWI, and we joined up in the last minute on that one since our President back then was actually trying to keep us out of it, but our interests over there got the better of us and we had to get involved with that one. However like most case instants when it comes to over seas war, you do have people that are going to take to the streets and protest every war that's out there, but when it comes to this one that's going on over in Liba, I may not be for fighting, but I do understand the reasons for this fight in the first place. Now as much as I would love for it to have been like in Egypt, that wasn't going to be the case here since the one ruling the country had pretty much stated that he was going to give up power over his dead body and even hired mercenaries to do his fighting for him, and that's was going to be a major thing right there since the military sided with the rebels. I hate to say this, but this war isn't a case of it being a civil war, the moment that mercenaries were brought in, the civil war part went right out the door there.

 

So even if you choose to take sides or not, this is one war that yes we are involved in, and more then likely it's going to end up being a very fast one no matter what the current power in Liba happens to think.

The Wheel of Fortune audition and other revelations

Well got up to the River Park area to check out the auditions for Wheel of Fortune, and it was like nothing that I had actually ever expected when it came to a game show, and trust me it wasn't like any of the reality shows that are out there either. Now since the wheather here in Fresno happens to suck at the moment, however they put us into a building that was to hold us till it was time to go before both the board and the wheel that they had set up.

 

Now when I first got there and walked in, they handed me an orange piece of paper that I had to fill out, that once we were to get over to the main place, it was going to be the name on that sheet of paper that they were going to call out for going through the lightening speed round in order to be able to try to get qualified for the show. Now the place that we were in at the time was jsut a store front that was empty, and I believe that River Park got paid a good bit of money for the use of the space (there was nothing in there at all). It got there early for the second show so I was near the start of the line to go over there, but the building front got filled quicky as the time went on. I actually got to talk to a few people there.

 

Once we got into the place, the board that they had there was similar to the one on the show, but less high tech. Please note that everything that happened today can evetually found on the web site for the show: http://www.wheeloffortune.com/contestants/wheelmobile/ and you'll see me in the photos too, I'll be the one wearing the flag hat in the crowd (I believe I also got on their video that they were shooting, but I believe the mobile host got in the way of that one, but I know for a fact that I'm in the still photos for that one). Now their were prizes that were given, but in order to get them you had to be called and get on stage in order to be able to get what was given away. Now when you were called onstage, if you solved the puzzle that they had there, then you passed on, but you had to qualify in other ways in order to be able to get onto the actual show its self. Plus the one thing that I like was that even if your name wasn't called, you might end up getting either a letter or an e-mail for you to come back at the tail end of april for the call backs (I can only hope and pray for that since I didn't get on stage at all :( ). I'll tell you that over all the experince was amazing and not something that comes along every day, and I will never forget that day in the least. They are going to be here in town still tomorrow as well during the same times, so anyone that happens to live close to Fresno, come on over and check them out.

 

Now the revelations that I realized when I was on the bus coming back, was that I had been thinking that what if I was to go to liek say "The Price is Right" another show that happens to be like Wheel, and since they draw the contestants right out of the audiance, it would be my luck that if I was to go with others to that show (namely since I don't want to go alone and would want to have a cheering section) that someone else in my group would end up going to contestants row and I would never get up there at all. I mean even if they tried to prove that I would get up there, my luck would prove something else and I would be left watching them as they were to go up there. It's the same as relationships for me, while I'll had been up at River Park, I saw that everyone there either had a spouse or a boyfriend or girlfriend, and there I was on my own with no one. Now I've already stated this to a friend of mine, but unless someone was to come into my life and forceably change it, I would never end up with anyone and that's a fact. I've got the worst luck when it comes to the ladies, and I honestly don't ever believe that will change no matter how much I would love for it to. Only an outside force can ever change that, meaning that she would have to know what's going on and stick with me no matter what happened to me, but like I said, that won't be happening any time soon.

 

All in all though, it was good watching everything happen today even though I didn't get on stage. At least I learned a few things today though, my luck completely sucks, and I'll never end up with anyone :(

Wheel of Fortune

Well I'm going to be heading to River Park today where the show Wheel of Fortune is going to be holding auditions from noon to four. I don't know what's going to be happening, but I will let everyone know, plus since I happen to be a writer I will be loving getting on there to see what's up. The sad thing is that I won't get to meet the actual host the show, but hey at least I can get to try out of the show up there and see how everything is done. So sorry for the short post today, but wish me luck.

Something that I realized

I was writing a letter earlier today to someone that's going to be getting a really big letter, and I realized as I was writing up my past history for this person that I did have my first love and never realized it and the problem is, I didn't realize it till years later when it came to this person either. So many years that I constantly screwed up and it turns out that deep down that I did have feeling for her. Now I know that you're wanting me to give her name like I've done for others that I've talked about, but this time I'm not going to be doing that since I'm actually talking to her right now about something as well, and well this is just my musings on the whole matter, I know that I haven't done something like this before, but I realized that when it comes right down to it for her, that she actually is the one.

 

I say that she happens to be the one since not only is she built the way that I like, she doesn't hold anything against me and understands where I'm coming from on everything, and would actually love to help me out if she could. Personally I would love to be closer to her, but I also know that that's not going to happen, at least not unless she was to go for it herself. Namely considering my lack on income and being homeless, which she happens to know about both. Thing is is that if I had actually gotten up the damned courage years ago, I do honestly believe that I would be with her today, and that I would not have married my bitch of an ex Miramonte Turley (the one that honestly doesn't believe in marriage only cheating, sex and having tons of kids that are constantly taken from her, yes I said all that and not only am I not drunk (since I can't drink in the first place), but I'm extremely pissed off at her and will be for quite some time to come).

 

Look I will be letting the one that I'm writing about, know about this posting, I just hope that she won't mind it in the least about it. There are other things about her, but I'm wanting to talk about those things with her, and for right now not post them.

Slow news to the Nintendo 3DS

I never thought that it would actually happen, but the only things that are even out there are just topics that are getting rehashed everyday. From the quake and the subsequent nuclear problem (that Japan continues to down play, which will blow up in their faces, after all even their own people aren't trusting the government right now when it comes to that), to the current problems that we're having out here, i.e. the money problems that we're currently having right now. So I figured that I would just surf for a possible news story that I could check out, so I first went up to the Bay Area and checked out the Contra Costa Times (hit the old home town paper first, since they also cover the entire bay area as well), but I didn't see anything that looked like it was catching my eye in the head lines (even went closer to Martinez to see what they had, but everything was centered out of Pleasant Hill instead of anything was out of Martinez). So I then went back east to Massachusetts to a paper back there called "The Enterprise" (nothing dealing with Star Trek in that name, since I believe that the paper was around long before Star Trek ever was) and the only thing that I caught from them was an article dealing with legislature dealing in raising the minimum wage for the state to $10 an hour, something that I would love for the people up in the capital of California to do.

 

Now this here is something that I will talk about for a bit here, because this here is a double edge sword topic, but it's one that does need to be brought up here. Now the one thing that was brought up in the article (http://www.enterprisenews.com/business/x1840139865/Lawmakers-seek-10-minimum-wage) is that if the minimum wage was brought up, then there would be a loss of jobs thanks to employers not wanting to hire, but at the same time the raise is needed thanks to the cost of living increase that is happening right now. I know that all over the country (not just here in California or back east), that people are having a harder time when it comes to dealing with their most basic needs, and one of the problems is the cost of living keeps going up, and yet nothing is being done to make sure that the low income people are able to keep up with it at all. The raise would be helpful yes, but I can also understand the side of the businesses when it comes to not wanting to hire since they would have to raise the prices of their products in order to be able to support their increased staff. It would also mean more taxes to be paid out when it comes to the number of employees that are working there, and more taxes is the last thing that anyone (business or personal) wants to pay. So what do they do, they come up with some excuse for not hiring anyone at all, it's like this every time. So what does one due in this situation, after all people need to work to be able to get things for their daily lives, but at the same time,...well you get the understanding and the drift, and that's why this is a double edge sword topic. It's not that easy to deal with in the least. There is one benefit when it comes to the low income folks getting a higher pay increase, and that would be the fact that the low income folks tend to spend more often then the middle income or rich tend to do, since they're more inclined to spend on not only personally needed items, but also on other things that they believe they need, which ends up helping the economy all around.

 

Now speaking of products that one really doesn't need, but would be something to keep one from getting bored, this is something that I got to try out yesterday, and it doesn't come out till March 27th. I'm talking about the Nintendo 3DS (http://www.nintendo.com/3ds) and what it plays like. I got to try it yesterday when I went over to Best Buy looking for something else that they didn't have (went there looking for a flute, and it turns out that they don't carry them in their music section, only pianos, drums and guitars and that's it, other then the tuning equipment). Now the 3DS is something that's been touted as letting us see 3D with out having to wear any glasses at all, and I've got to tell you that it's true, though for someone like myself that's not used to seeing 3D constantly, just looking at it on the screen did get a little disorientated (considering that I kept switching the 3D off and on just to see what the difference was, yes you can turn the 3D off so that it goes to 2D level instead of 3D). However when I kept the 3D on and played through about 5 of the 6 levels that they had on the demo, believe me it was amazing, and the game that I played (3D pilot wings game) didn't give me any ill effects that I've had from other games that I've had trouble with in the past (I'm not one for heights, and other games that give me the whole high up effect tend to make me feel queasy). The system was amazing and I would suggest this as a serious buy. The only down side to everything that started off with the DSi was that there's no added slot for the older games, meaning that you have to have an older DS in order to play the other games, which means that the earlier portable games are still off limits, and I honestly don't believe that they'll be bringing that back any time soon (if ever). Beyond that, this could be some serious competition for the PSP, and any other hand held system that's not Nintendo, that is if they do it right and actually make the games that would be best for the system. The DSi feel a bit flat when the only thing that it was good for with the camera was just stupid things, there was really no game that came out for it that was any good at all, and the end result was that the X-Box 360 and PS3 got to run away with things. Seriously this could bring people of all ages back out of their houses again and back to the real world around them as they bring their 3DS's with them to have something to do to stave off the boredom that comes to everyone. So this is a must check out system. The only other thing that I had checked out right quick over at Best Buy was the PS3 wands deal that they had set up there, honestly with out a normal controller I couldn't control the console at all, I couldn't move anything at all, and there was no way that I could change what was set up for the display at all, honestly I didn't like it at all. Plus from what I had seen there was no one even working it at all, the others were occupied, but not that one, it was that bad.

 

Anyway, that's what up around the place. Hopefully there's going to be something out there either later today or tomorrow when it comes to something worth writing about. Plus as you can see I don't just keep things local, I do check out other places, so let me know if there's something that I should check out when it comes to around the area that you happen to live. I check it out and write about it.

The Great Recession (or the second Great Depression), and how it's effecting everything

Well just by two articles that I've read for the local level here in Fresno, it seems that everything is going right to heck in a hand basket and it's just not getting better for anyone. However with how things are currently going right now, it doesn't help that the businesses aren't doing anything to help anyone out at all, after all with the prices of everything going up our pays are not going up at all, everything for the pay is just staying where it happens to be while the prices for everything are just going up and up with no end in site. Plus the one thing that doesn't help us, is that if one man runs for president and actually gets it, our county will become the biggest joke of all time. That man is Donald Trump, the one man whose ego doesn't need to be made any bigger with getting the most powerful seat on the planet. However more on that later.

 

The one thing that doesn't help the teachers on a local level right now (and yes I've covered this before, but the slips have actually gone out now: http://www.fresnobee.com/2011/03/16/2313012/pink-slips-out-to-valley-teachers.html), is that the pink slips have actually gone out, though that's not just on a local level, that's also on a state level as well. They say that they hope that they don't actually have to use the slips, but more then likely (and I'm just going off of what I've seen happen before in the news when it comes to something like this) they will be losing teachers more then ever, and the thing is, no amount of incentives will be getting teachers back at all. Now the thing that Brown is trying to do is actually get the teachers kept there by getting the tax extensions actually passed through, but the problem with that I had clearly stated in the last post that I had made before when it comes to Brown the current problems that we happen to have with him. Honestly, no one is learning from this, other wise we wouldn't keep going through this every few years or so when it comes to our governors, though the one thing that doesn't happen to help is that when the next governor comes in and actually tries to get things fixed, the people up in the capital actually try to stone wall him and block things from actually happening, that doesn't help things at all, and then they blame the governor for the current problems that we happen to have when in fact he actually just inherited everything. Honestly that's another reason why I'm would love to go for the position, but I honestly would be needing more incentive then just my wanting to (after all, I'm currently homeless and I've literally got no money to my name to actually run at all, it would all have to be done by donations only).

 

Now here's another joke (at least I think it is) that Fresno is currently dealing with, and that's the retirement pensions that they're trying to deal with right now. (http://www.fresnobee.com/2011/03/16/2313079/fresno-co-pension-plan-called.html) I mean it's bad enough that the rest of the county is currently feeling hurt when it comes to the rising costs of everything, but the one thing that they shouldn't be worrying about and even discussing with everything falling apart around them is their own pensions at all. I mean seriously they're talking about this, when they're also talking about privatizing everything (almost everything) in Fresno county, which if they happen to do that (and this was one of the first things that I covered in my blog) the cost is going to be higher on Fresno county residents that will have to be paying for it in the first place. So on top of that, they're worrying about their retirement when they should be dealing with other things that are going to be having a ripple effect right down to the personal level here in Fresno. Honestly I'm really starting to wonder if it's right that we have elected people in office that are worrying about their own retirements (which if you happen to look at them are through the roof anyway), when you have people here in Fresno that have nothing, and are homeless (like myself). Look I know that I just keep going off left and right on these people, but it doesn't help that they bring it upon themselves when it comes to all of this. However they give us all this talk about doing these things for the people, and not once do they ever actually do anything for the people after they end up in office, talk about a smoke and mirrors deal.

 

OK now when it comes to Donald Trump, if he actually ran for president, it would be the biggest mistake of all time, not only would this country be considered the biggest joke around (though a few of my friends have already told me that this country is already considered a joke to begin with), we would end up as the biggest joke on the planet. Honestly it would not be good for our country to be run by this man ever, and to top it off this is the only article that I could find that was from a non entertainment stand point: http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/donald-trump-president-trump-weighs-sheen-palin-obama/story?id=13154163 everything else was from different entertainment magazines or sites, seriously this would not be a good idea. He even stated that even if he didn't get the Republican nomination, he would run as an independent. Honestly this is the same guy that started off reality television with Survivor and then eventually "The Apprentice". Honestly this man should not be allowed to even run at all, I don't give a damn how much money he happens to have, yes he can run on a local level that's not a problem, but to run for the most powerful seat on the planet, sorry but that just shouldn't happen at all. I mean the man's already got an ego the size of Alaska (no offence to those living up there), but this would just be worse, plus they've already done a prediction parody of it on the Simpsons saying that the county was completely bankrupt after president Trump got finished with it, and that Lisa had inherited everything and just really couldn't get everything to go right. Well if Trump does become president, then that show will have predicted how things are going to turn out. Honestly when I watch that article on GMA this morning, I just couldn't believe what I had been seeing (yeah I watch GMA at a donut shop here in Fresno after I leave the mission, it's the only bit of television that I ever get these days).

 

Anyway, sorry about the last rant there, but I just had to put that out there when it came to Trump, beyond that I'm not going to bother any more since he mostly just makes small blips on the radar and that's it, honestly he's really not worth the time, but I just had to comment on the news article that I had seen this morning. Right now I'm just more concerned with the idiots that we happen to have currently running this state, it's not good and we're going to be getting hurt more then ever before. I honestly do wish that I could run and deal with it personally, but like I said, I'm currently homeless with no job and no income, and I would have to run entirely off of donations, and I honestly don't think that people would take my party seriously even though it is a serious party. After all I'm not a republican or a democrat, I'm for Tomorrow and that's all I'll ever be. I'm concerned about Tomorrow and the fact that what we're doing now is hurting the Tomorrow now.

Just wondering, why was Brown voted in?

I know that he might've seemed like a nice option at the time, but seriously this guy was in office before, and the major problem that he had the last time was that he screwed everything up for us. However the one thing that I figured was that people would look up his past dealings that he had, and realize that he wasn't the governor for us, yeah I know I figured wrong. Then again even when I figure wrong, I'm still right about certain things, and the end result is that I often get proven right in the end (even though people keep telling me that I'm still wrong about what I had said even though the proof is staring them right in the face).

 

So this is what is messed up (and here's the article if you want to read it: http://www.fresnobee.com/2011/03/16/2311644/field-poll-jerry-brown-has-voter.html), they're saying that people asked in a poll survey said they support the extensions, and the problem is is that with dead lines coming, it won't be an extension that we get, it will be an increase, which is something that I know that no one happens to like at all. Now I know that there are certain things that can be increased when it comes to slight taxes (for those that live near Fresno, you can look up the Measure Z tax for the Fresno Zoo), but with what these idiots up in the capital are doing right now, they're expecting the taxes to be kept the way that they are despite the fact that they were the ones that screwed up and completely "forgot", that this was something that was going to be only temporary and not permanent. Of course that's not how they think, and the end result is that those living in California are going to be paying the price for it which will mean that more people will be driven from the state then ever before, and the unemployment rate will continue to drop because the businesses figure that if people are going to be leaving the state then why bother to provide a service that no one's going to need if they're not here. Now right now if the special election was held, I'd be all for voting no on the extensions (or as they'll end up becoming an increase), and making sure that these guys start living within their means. Of course there is another idea that I know many won't think is the right way, but we've already done it once to a governor that was screwing up the state beyond anything that anyone ever believe, we recalled his butt out of office. Personally I believe that that's what should happen now, not only with the governor, but also with others that happen to be in office up in the capital. We need to show them that they work for us, not the other blasted way around that they continue to think up there. After all, if we did that it would send a signal up to the capital that we're the ones that are really in control around here not you idiots. After all, they don't seem to be able to do or get things right up there, then get rid of them for good.

 

I remember back years ago, they kept telling us that if we don't like things that we should register to vote, that way we had a voice, and then there were those that kept saying that "oh my vote won't matter so why should I bother at all", well I personally believe that in order to get the changes done, that we need to vote and get these idiots out of office. Yes we can blame both the republicans or the democrats for the screwed up ways things are up there, but the real thing is, we put them into office in the first place, and we need to remind them of that fact. Personally I really do wish that I could run for office of this state, because I would be willing to do what others up there are not willing to do. Plus it would be the first time that someone would be in there that's not a republican or a democrat at all, no I'm part of a party that I created that means to actually get things done, it's called the Tomorrow Party (yeah I ripped off Lex Luther from DC Comics for the party, but it also makes a ton of sense too), and this party is for the people to actually get things done in office that others don't really seem willing to get done. Plus we don't just stop listening to people after we get voted into office, no we keep listening even after we're in office. After all, those that have ended up in office seem to just stop listening to the voters after they get in there, and that's where everything tends to go wrong there, you can't stop listening. However since I don't know how many people are actually reading this blog, I doubt that what I'm saying here will actually go out there, and when it comes to my friends, so far only two have actually told me that they're reading my blog at all. I do vote, but at the rate that things are going, it's starting to seem like the ones that want to keep things the way that they are are stuffing the ballot boxes to make sure of it.

 

Believe me, I've been thinking about what I would do if I actually ever did run for Governor of this state, and there's so much that I've thought about that it scares me. I do know that there is one thing that would happen, and that's the fact that (and I've mentioned this before) I would basically veto things constantly till all of them realized that things were not going to be run like they usually are, after all I read things in detail to find out everything that's really going on and really being spent on. Like I had said before, yes we need the taxes to get things done and fixed, but not in the run away ways that we have going on right now, that would be one of the major things that I would seriously get fixed. Plus I would actually go to the places that actually needed to get worked on or what ever needed to see if it actually needed it, I would look over the plans and look at the actual location. I would also go and actually visit the people, and I'm not talking the middle class since they constantly have things handed to them, no I'm talking about the low income people, mean the people that are actually waiting in the food stamps line. I've actually been in that line, and I'm currently living off of them right now. Those are the ones that get over looked on a daily basis, and that really needs to stop, and it's those people that the TEA Party is currently targeting right now with all of their slash and burn cuts. Look if anyone else thinks of my running would be a great idea, let me know, because right now, I'm still on the fence about it because right now the only way that I can actually try to get anything out there is through this blog, and I don't even know if anyone is reading them, or if they are how many are actually reading them right now. So please let me know, and if you want an actual platform let me know and I'll write one up, because like I said I will actually go up there and do things that no one will actually do to get things done. Personally I'm really tired of how things are up there, and I would love to be there for the people to actually get things changed the way that they should be.